Jane Doe
by kirsten1234
Summary: Modern Day/AU - Katniss and Peeta are engaged, follow them on their tough and unexpected journey through the months until their wedding, and their lives as newly weds. I get that the title doesn't necessarily fit this description, but the meaning behind it will be revealed throughout the story! Probs a bit OOC too
1. List (Prologue)

**A/N Welcome to my kind of first FanFic (I had written another, but not published)! It's a modern/AU story about Katniss and Peeta, from their engagement until after their wedding, and goes into particular depth of the months before their marriage. It's probably pretty OOC also =P**

**I have a fair amount of this written, but need to go through it and make sure it all makes sense! So hopefully I'll be publishing a couple of times a week - if I don't it just means I have uni work, but I will try give a heads up in advance! **

**This first post is just a prologue, so is a very short introduction, all the other chapters are much longer =)**

**I welcome any criticism you may have, I'm not a natural writer, I'm much more a scientist, so please just leave me a comment with anything, good or bad!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Prologue

"Oh, add chocolate!" shouted Johanna from the bathroom, "We never have enough!" I laughed and added it to the shopping list I was making in the kitchen. Chicken, potatoes, bread – I added a few more things we had run out of, which to be honest was pretty much everything. We were a pretty useless pair when it came to food shopping, we would always wait until everything had completely run out until we would go to get more. We tried to change, but it just wasn't us, so we would settle on living off of crackers for a few days until we would rouse up the motivation to head to the store. "We've never had beetroot, have we?" I asked Johanna, "You mean as in the healthy vegetable?" she replied, "No, and I'm fine without it!" "I just fancy trying it, Peeta made a cake with it once, and it was quite nice" I trailed off, pretty much talking to myself while Johanna listed the toiletries we needed, "Tampons too," she shouted, "we should just buy like a lifetime supply of them, then we'd never need to remember to buy them again, they are the only thing we always need!" I blushed as she said this; these were on my list of 'don't talk about with other people', Johanna didn't really care, and she loved embarrassing me about it. When I wrote it down I started thinking, when _was_ the last time I needed any? I honestly couldn't remember, I felt my heart beat faster as I tried counting back to when I should have needed them … I was late, like _really _late, like 2 months late! It's not like I'm that regular, I know being active can delay it, but I haven't been at the sports centre for a few weeks now because I haven't been feeling well … the fear builds up inside me, there's a fairly good chance I'm pregnant.

* * *

Ok, I guess I should explain more about my life, I'm Katniss Everdeen, I'm 24 and I live in Seattle. I share an apartment with my best friend Johanna. I'm also engaged to Peeta Mellark – we would be living together, but he definitely wanted to stay in my mother's good books. She wasn't too pleased that I moved across the country to live near him, but she gave him her blessing to propose to me, but heavily hinted that we shouldn't live together until marriage, which wasn't for another 4 months. Neither of us really minded, we spent a few nights at his and a few nights at mine every week, and saw each other every day, and it would mean that it would be something special to do once we were married.


	2. Going Out (Chapter1)

Chapter 1

I don't know what to do. I didn't want children right now, maybe in like 10 years after we'd been married for a while and we were ready, not while we were engaged and so young. Ok, so people have kids younger than my age, but I still feel like one myself! I can barely look after myself, how I am meant to care for someone else? Ok, maybe I'm not actually pregnant, maybe I'm actually just run down and ill in general? You know what, let's go with that, it sounds so much more appealing than the alternative.

I finish the list as Johanna comes out from the bathroom, "I think we're ready to go" I tell her. We put on shoes and grab our bags and head out the door, with the thought of _that_ pushed right to the back of my mind. We walk into the town to the large supermarket as Johanna talks away to me, I'm not even really listening, but I smile and nod every so often so she won't think I'm ignoring her. When we get to the shop she turns to me, "Were you even listening to anything I said?" Oh darn, I've been caught, "Um … kind of" I reply weakly, "No you weren't, come on, you didn't even turn red when I mentioned tampons, see, you're doing it now!" I feel my face heat up as I give her a friendly push, "Let's just get the food and go home" I say, pushing a shopping cart into the store, she giggles behind me, clearly taking some fun from my embarrassment. The shopping trip is fairly uneventful, we manage to buy everything we need and then head home. "Where do you want to go tonight?" Johanna questions as we put away the food, "I think Annie said she wanted to try the new club near the park, but it'll be crazy busy, so we could just go to the bar by the bakery? I'm not fussed, I just want to have a few drinks", "Ehm" I reply, "I don't really feel like a club tonight, I'm kind of tired though, I might just stay here and get an early night." Johanna gave me a look and stared me down for at least a minute before speaking "You never come out, people probably don't even know what you look like anymore! You've become an old married woman before you've even gotten married! Everyone will be there, I'm sure Peeta will even come!" She always does this when she wants me to do something, makes me feel guilty and stares at me; she knows it will get me to change my mind. "Fine, fine, the bar, but it won't be a late night, just a couple of drinks" I sigh in defeat as Johanna smiles, "You don't need to sound so disappointed by socialising!" she playfully says while getting the phone, "I'll call everyone, and you can call Peeta, we can meet there at 8", she heads into her room, already speaking to Annie. I retreat to mine and dial the bakery on my mobile, "Mellark Bakery, how may I help you?" Peeta answers on the second ring, "Hey, it's me", "Katniss!" He exclaims, "What can I do for you?" He's always excited when I call, it's nice, it cheers me up when I'm in a mood, "Johanna's making us all go out tonight, we're going to the bar by the bakery for 8, please come", I add the last part almost pleadingly, I really didn't want to go out, at least if Peeta was there it would be slightly more bearable. "Sure, I should finish around then, I'll see you guys there." I'm relieved he's going to come, it will be something to look forward to – he's been pretty busy this past week, so I haven't seen him much. After we finish speaking I change into my pyjamas and get into bed, it's 4:30pm now, I can at least have a nap before having dinner and then heading out. "Wow, you really are an old woman" Johanna jokes as she wakes me at half six, "Naps before dinner, next it'll be mid-morning naps too!" I throw my pillow at her as I get out of bed. She makes pasta for dinner while I shower, when I'm back in my room I see that Johanna has picked out one of her dresses for me to wear, "Really?" I shout sarcastically to her, "Yes! Just put it on, you'll look good for Peeta!" I look dubiously at the silky material, it looks rather short and there doesn't seem to be much of it. I leave my room still in my bathrobe, "I'll try it after we eat, I promise" I add as I see her expression, "Fine" she huffs. It's not long before she starts chatting away again, this is a regular occurrence for us, we get in little tiffs, and five minutes later it's forgotten and we've moved on. Shortly after, I'm putting the dress on – I'll admit, it doesn't look too bad, it's a little short, but hopefully I'll forget about that after a drink. I let my hair down around my shoulders, and apply a few strokes of mascara to my eyelashes. I start thinking about shoes when Johanna strides into the room, "Wear these", she thrusts a pair of black heels into my hands and leaves, "You look hot!" she shouts as she opens a bottle of wine, "Haha, very funny" I say, blushing, taking a full glass from her and putting on the shoes. We finish getting ready and call a taxi, even after two glasses of wine I'm starting to feel tipsy, so we stumble a bit out to the street to wait.

We get to the bar just before 8, Johanna heads in while I go to the bakery to meet Peeta. He's just locking the door as I get there, "Heeey," I say to him, slurring slightly and wrapping my arms around his middle, while he turns to look at me, "Oh … oh you look rather nice tonight" he winks at me and pulls me in for a kiss. "All down to Johanna, I didn't even want to come out; I wanted to go to bed!" We walk hand in hand down the street and into the bar where our group is just gathering around a table. "Oh Katniss, you came!" Annie squeals as she hugs me, "Yeah, see, I'm not a bore, I do come out sometimes!" I reply to her as we sit down.

An hour quickly passes as we all catch up, I honestly hadn't realised it had been that long since we'd last gone out together, I definitely felt that I should make more of an effort now, I'm sure married couples always do things with other couples, I mean I hope that we still hang out with everyone here, but I guess it might be different, especially as Peeta and I will be the first of our group of friends to get married. Johanna quickly decided that a few rounds of shots are what we need to get rolling, so she swiftly produces a tray covered in shot glasses filled with various types of alcohol, they are divided up among the group and I gingerly take a sniff of what's in the 3 glasses in front of me. None of them smell particularly good, but I'll drink them anyway, that should get Johanna off my back for a while.

I take the first, I haven't a clue what it is, but it burns my throat as it goes down, the second is a little better – it doesn't burn, but the taste is awful. I choke a little on it before turning away from the table to cough. My stomach certainly doesn't like whatever it was, as I can feel that specific churning you get when you know you'll be seeing the drink again. I quickly stand and wobble a little on my heels and make my way to the bathrooms – luckily no one notices, at least I don't think they do as they don't call me back or follow me. I lock the cubicle door and manage to crouch down in front of the toilet before bringing the drinks back up. I tie my hair up before another wave of vomiting comes. I sit on the floor, its better just to stay here for 10 minutes to gather myself, just in case there's more. I hear my phone buzz in my bag, it's a text from Peeta: 'You ok?' I smile, he's so caring and thoughtful, even though he must be on his way to pretty drunk right now, 'Yeah, in bathroom, will be out soon xx' I reply. I give it another five minutes before leaving the cubicle and rinsing my mouth at the sink. I fix my hair and makeup and go back to the table, Peeta gives me a kiss on the cheek and I squeeze his hand reassuringly, "I think I might go home" I say quietly to him, not wanting to seem like a spoil sport on the night out, "Ok" he nods, "I'll walk you", "No, it's ok, you can stay if you want." He ignores me and goes to put on his jacket, "Come on Everdeen!" shouts Johanna over the group, "Leaving already?!" Both Peeta and I smile at her and wave to everyone as we leave the bar. The late spring night is cool, but it's not unpleasant to walk in.

We walk close, Peeta with his arm around my shoulder, and I loop mine around his waist. "Those shots didn't agree with me at all, I don't know how anyone can drink them" I say as we walk, Peeta smiles, "You can just say no you know? Don't let Johanna pressure you into something you don't want to do", he was right, I shouldn't just drink it because everyone else is, but I don't want to tell him I'm scared of becoming an old unsociable woman before I'm even 25! I sigh and pull myself closer to his side. "How was work?" I ask, changing the topic, "Good, the usual busy place that it is, got a couple of wedding cake orders, they're both pretty detailed, but they should come out nicely … I can't wait to work on our cake" He says, we smile before stopping and turning to face each other, "I'm looking forward to it" I say as we lean closer together, our lips are only centimetres away by now, and we close the gap with a passionate kiss. We could have been there for hours, it probably was only a few minutes though, but it was a beautiful moment (I felt), even though I'd just been sick, and Peeta tasted of that horrible alcohol. We pulled apart and I felt my stomach churn again, oh great I thought, _perfect_ timing! I turned away from him quickly and emptied my stomach contents into the gutter at the side of the road. Peeta was such a perfect gentleman about the whole thing, he held my hair and rubbed my back before making me sit down on the pavement edge with my head between my knees. "I'm sorry" I said to him as I took off my shoes, "Its fine", he replied, "you already said the shots didn't agree with you, I guess you really meant it!" I smiled, "I think I'm fine now, I should probably just get home to bed, I thought I was coming down with something earlier, I guess maybe I am and the drinks didn't help." "Oh Katniss, you should have said, you shouldn't have come out at all!" he definitely sounds concerned now, "Why don't you come back to mine? It's closer and I can keep an eye on you in case you get worse" We stand up, and I do feel a bit light headed, so I find myself agreeing to his invitation. We arrive at his apartment in what seems like a matter of minutes. Once we're married our plan is for me to move in here, it's spacious – he has a fancy kitchen to bake in, along with an open plan living and dining space, then a bedroom, office and a bathroom. It's the perfect place for newlyweds actually … then suddenly I remember earlier, which in all honesty I'd forgotten about until now, I shouldn't have had the shots, I shouldn't have had anything at all, I think, remembering the few glasses of wine I'd had before we left our apartment. Wait, why am I thinking this? I'm not pregnant, I just have the flu, or an infection or a stomach bug – I'll look it up tomorrow, there's no need to go to a doctor, he'll just tell me what I'll be able to diagnose myself with. Inside Peeta's apartment I head straight for the bedroom to change, I keep a drawer of clothes here for when I stay over, so I pick some comfy pyjamas and am in his bed before he's barely hung up his jacket. He tucks the edge of the duvet around me before turning out the lights, and I'm instantly asleep.


	3. Bed (Chapter2)

**A/N - Just want to thank everyone who has read so far, plus the 6 people who have followed and the 3 who have favourited! This may seem like a small amount, but it amazes me that even those people liked what they saw enough to click that little button! My sister can vouch for how excited I was, I sent her texts every time someone followed, and she said I was acting like Christmas had come early! **

**Disclaimer - I don't own the Hunger Games (even though I wish I did!)**

**Oh and I'm not sure how the paragraph spacing is, like do you readers think it's ok, or would you like more space between the paragraphs?**

Chapter 2

I wake the next morning when Peeta gets out of bed, he notices and leans over "I'm headed to the bakery, I'll be back just after lunch" he kisses me on the forehead and heads out. Even though it's Saturday, Peeta works, although it's only until 1pm, I drift off to sleep again quickly.

I wake at 9 with just enough time to dash to the bathroom before emptying my stomach yet again. It's the fifth time in the last two weeks I've woken and been sick. It brings that scary word back to the front of my thoughts. _Pregnant_. I'm sick twice more before I'm able to stand up and rinse out my mouth, I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My skin is pale and clammy, and even though I don't feel worried, my expression looks it. I look away from the reflection and go back to bed. I am definitely not ready to do anything other than sleep.

I wake as I hear the front door open, "Hey" Peeta shouts, he came into the bedroom as I was stretching, "I hope I didn't wake you", I shake my head as he comes over to sit on the bed next to me, "Are you feeling better?" Hmm, that was the question, was I? "Kind of" I replied honestly, "I was sick again, but I think I'm fine now", he looks concerned, I hate when he's worried about me, he shouldn't need to be, "Do you want me to make you a doctor's appointment? It could be something serious", "No, Peeta, it's fine" I insist, "It's probably just a stomach bug, it probably just needs rest. I better text Johanna, she's probably wondering where I am." "No need," Peeta says quickly, "she stopped by the Bakery just as I was closing, I told her you slept here last night, though I think she wanted something to soak up her hangover with rather than information about you!" I smiled; Johanna probably stumbled home at 3 or 4 in the morning like she usually did after a night out, and be shocked not to find me waiting for her with a glass of water and some sort of baked good from the bakery. "I think I'll have some lunch, did you bring home anything?" I ask hopefully, "Of course, a whole selection, wholemeal bread, walnut bread, croissants …" he trails off the list as I get out of bed and beeline straight for the dining table where everything was sitting in a few bags. "Well someone definitely perked up" he says as we sit down, "It's the walnut bread, I've gotten really into nuts these last few weeks, must be one of these weird health kicks, and I haven't had your walnut bread in ages!" I reply as I take a few slices onto a plate. When we finish lunch I'm completely full with the delicious bread, "Mmm, that was really good Peeta" I compliment him as we clean up the dishes, "Are you sure you didn't hide some sort of medicine in there? I feel so much better now" He laughs, "Nope, I think you just needed to fill your stomach, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?" "Just hang out? Or we could go for a walk or something? I'd need to shower first though" I reply, Peeta nods "Sure, I'll sort out a few orders for the bakery and we can go when you're ready." I get a towel from the closet and head into the bathroom, compared to earlier I look much better now, my cheeks are almost rosy. I shower then dry off while deciding what to wear – I don't really have much choice, I only keep a few different things here, so I end up choosing some jeans and a comfy knitted sweater, it's really not my sort of thing, but Peeta's parents gave it to me the first Christmas that we were going out, so I felt it right to keep it here. The only shoes I had were the heels I wore last night, so they'd have to do. I stuck my head in the office door "I'm ready" I smiled to Peeta, he got up and wrapped his hand around my waist while kissing me, "What was that for?" "Just you" he replied smiling while he locked the front door as we left.

Peeta lived in one of the nicest neighbourhoods in the city, it was filled with beautiful old buildings and had adorable rows of shops every few blocks, then right in the middle was a huge park suitable for everyone, from babies to the elderly. The bakery was at one end of the neighbourhood, whilst mine and Johanna's apartment was about 5 or 6 blocks off the opposite side. "It'll be weird when I can say this is my neighbourhood" I say as we stroll along the streets, "Not long now," Peeta adds, "4 months yesterday and you'll be Mrs Mellark" I blush at his comment and rest my head on his shoulder, "I'm looking forward to it, and finally getting to live with you. I think my mom is glad that we agreed we'd wait until we were married to move in together." Yeah, I think to myself, she'll be really glad that I'm pregnant for the wedding … Stop this Katniss, stop these thoughts, you're not pregnant …

"Could we sit down a second" I say a few minutes later as we approach the park, "my feet are killing me in these shoes!" I slip them off my feet as soon as we sit on a bench, Peeta puts his arm around my shoulders and we sit for an hour simply watching the world go by. It's such a relaxing way to spend time, and it's nice to just be together with no distractions. "Do you have your dress yet? For the wedding" Peeta asks, "No, my mom is coming next weekend to do that, she insisted that she had a part in that" I sigh, I didn't really want to go dress shopping full stop, let alone with my mother, then obviously Johanna and Annie would be tagging along too, that certainly would be one long day. "I wish we'd kept it a secret and just gone to the registry office and gotten married quickly, I wouldn't need a dress for that, I could have worn anything", "Do you?" Peeta asked, I could feel him tense up, I knew I'd said the wrong thing, I wasn't even really thinking what I was saying, the words just seemed to fall out of my mouth, now I had to back myself out of this, "It's not just about me, it's you too, I want to have the wedding so that I can make you happy" I say carefully, "Let's just leave it, I don't know what I was saying, we're having the wedding now … I'm happy with it" I add, hoping to drop the subject, though I'm pretty sure I might have just started an argument without meaning to with my stupid big mouth. "Katniss I'm happy with whatever you're happy with, I will do whatever you want" he says reassuringly, he continues "Are you sure you're happy?" I nod in response, before my words stumble out "Yes, I'm just being silly, I'm sorry, please don't be mad", I hear him chuckle, "Oh Katniss" he says, "I could never be mad at you"; he kisses me on the forehead and we sit until it begins to get cloudy. Peeta walks me back to my apartment before kissing me goodbye and heading to his. Now I have to get up two flights of stairs in these heels – this could take a while. I place each foot firmly on the next step before moving on, and I do well until I'm 3 steps away from our floor and I tumble forwards, it hurts a little, but I find myself laughing at how silly I am in these heels. I hear a door open and see Johanna giving me a look, "What _are _you doing?", I manage to stop laughing long enough to tell her, "I walked around in your heels all afternoon and spent the last ten minutes mastering these stairs only to fall over at the top! I don't know why I find it so funny though, it hurts!" She sighs and I'm sure I hear her mutter something about me still being drunk. I pick myself up and head inside, I change into some lounge pants and a hoodie before joining Johanna on the couch, "So what did you get up to last night?" I ask her, "Well I think we stayed at the bar until maybe 1? I drank through everything they had, then I went to the club with Annie, but it wasn't great, so I headed back here, I was disappointed to miss out on my pastry tradition" she said, giving a smirk at the last part, "Well I know what _you_ were up to last night Everdeen, having a nice time with the fiancé were we?", I sighed, "We just slept, as in actual sleeping, we walked back to his place and went to bed, whatever shots you got were terrible! I wasn't drunk and I still threw up this morning from them! He came home from the bakery today and we sat in the park all afternoon." Johanna looks disappointed, "You came out to leave early with your hot fiancé, and you don't even do anything when you get home! It's ridiculous, I will reiterate, you're like an old married woman!" she joked, "Oh very funny" I replied, suddenly feeling Goosebumps rise over my skin "Can I turn the heating up? It's pretty cold in here", I rub my arms in an attempt to get warmer, "No, it's not cold at all, it's hot actually, it's the last week of May" Johanna replied with a suspicious tone, "Oh … I think I might go to bed then" I say quietly, turning to go to my room, "Wait" Johanna said, putting her hand out to grab my arm, "Are you ok? You've been acting a bit … funny for a few weeks now, I wouldn't say anything, but Peeta asked me about it too when I was at the bakery this afternoon, he's worried about you, and wants to take you to a doctor", "Yeah, he told me that, I said no, it's probably some sort of bug or infection, it'll clear by itself, I'm fine, really, I am" I give a faint smile, although I really don't feel fine anymore, I think I'm going to be sick again and my head is feeling awfully light, while my feet feel rather heavy in comparison, "I'll just go to bed, I'll shout if I need anything." "Alright" Johanna said, not sounding too convinced "do you want me to make you dinner or something?" she adds as I start to my room, "No thanks, I don't really feel like food", and I can feel myself sway into the doorframe of my room. I wrap up in my bathrobe before getting into bed and tucking up in my duvet, it's so comfortable and warm, and I don't want to leave here anytime soon.


	4. Last Night (Chapter3)

Chapter 3

I wake up and look over at the clock, it's just after 8pm. I still feel tired, but a bit better than before, I don't feel so lightheaded or sick, hopefully that was the last of that, I can't sleep for much longer, I'm fed up with it! I can hear Johanna talking on the phone to someone, it's probably Annie, but as I listen, I realise it's not, "She's been asleep in bed since she came back … she said she was cold, but she looked like she was gonna throw up, blamed my shots! … I don't know Peeta, I don't think she'd like that …" Don't think I'd like what? They'd better not be making a doctors appointment for me! I want so badly to get up and ask her, but I shouldn't, she'd know I'd been listening. "It's been at least 2 weeks, probably more, but I hadn't really noticed until you pointed it out to me today, she has definitely been acting weird, even for her standards … I'm kidding, I'm kidding, calm it Peeta! … Why don't you come over and wait until she wakes up and we can sit her down and chat about it, or see if she'll get … I do, honestly, if it's you and me she won't mind, if it's just me, she will, I know she will, and if it's just you you won't be firm enough with her, sorry, but you won't! … Ok, give me a text once you're here and I'll let you in … bye." I hear her hang up and then go to her room, _great_,_ just great_, Peeta is coming over and they're going to sit me down and 'chat' to me, this will be one of those things that they just won't drop. As I get angry at the situation, I can feel my head starting to spin, so I lie down again and close my eyes before quickly drifting back into sleep.

It's almost 11pm when I wake again, it's quiet in the living area, I'm pretty sure Peeta mustn't have come over, and Johanna has gone out or gone to bed, I need to use the bathroom anyway, so I'll have to go out, I can't avoid leaving my room much longer. I unwrap from my duvet cocoon that I've gotten myself into and tighten my robe around my waist before opening my door – and they're just sitting there. Johanna and Peeta, sitting on the couch, her with a book and him with a newspaper, "Hey" I manage to croak, my voice sounded so dry, Peeta looked up from his newspaper and smiled, "Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" I just stand there in the doorway, "Fine, I'm just going to use the bathroom", I walk over and lock the bathroom door behind me before exhaling, I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath. After finishing up and washing my hands, I decide to take a risk and look in the mirror. I look like I've aged 10 years in the past day, my skin is back to the pale colour it was earlier, but it looks tired and sagging, my expression shows anxiety and worry, I almost don't even believe that it's me that I'm looking at until I move, and she moves too. I unlock the door to deal with whatever Peeta and Johanna are going to throw at me, "Come sit" says Peeta in his too kind voice as he pats the seat next to him, he uses this voice when he feels bad for someone and is being overly kind to them, _great_ I think to myself again. I sit down next to him, "What are you doing here?" I ask him, he takes a moment and sighs, "Katniss … Johanna and I thought we needed to have a little talk with you … about your health", I look between them, Johanna's staring at me, but not with her usual look, she looks too serious now, and Peeta has a soft expression and has his hand resting on mine, I pull it out from under his and cross my arms, "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just a little run down" I say in the most convincing tone I have, but who am I trying to convince? Peeta and Johanna? Or myself?

Johanna pulls me out of my thoughts, "Katniss, this is serious" I haven't heard her use this tone before, "you've not been right for a while now, you've been sleeping a lot and you look … weak. We think you should go see a doctor, or at least talk to your mom, a nurse would be better than nothing, which is what you're doing right now!" I anger at the mention of my mother, "I am not talking to my mom, I don't need to talk to anyone, I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! How many times do I need to say it, there's nothing wrong with me, there's nothing wrong at all!" Although the rage is still in my voice by the end, I have quietened it to almost a whisper, then I can feel my face heat up, great, _perfect_ time for being embarrassed, "Katniss" Peeta whispers softly and puts his hand on my arm, "it's ok" he soothes, I can tell this is going to be the breaking point, "No, no it's probably not" I wobble as I burst into tears and Peeta pulls me into is warm body. I can feel him whispering comfort to me, but I'm not sure what he's saying, all I can hear is my own sobbing, I feel Johanna's hand rubbing my back, I don't know how that works, but it is helping, and although I feel calmer, the tears don't stop. I don't even know why I'm like this, I rarely cry, very rarely, I don't think I've cried in front of Johanna since … well I can't remember if I have.

To be honest I'm quite blurry on what happened next. I sat like that for a long time, and Peeta held me for the duration, Johanna flitted around, offering water and pain medication or sleeping syrup, which I declined, well I think I did, the next thing I know, I'm waking up in bed and it's daylight outside. I can't see Peeta, but he must have put me to bed because the duvet is neatly tucked around me and there are at least three blankets on top for extra warmth. If he'd gone, he would have woken me, right? Or at least left a note, I panicked as I couldn't see one on the pillow next to me or on the bedside table. Then I thought more about last night, had I said anything? Did I just cry? Might I have let slip that there's the tiniest chance of … _pregnancy_? I certainly hope I didn't, because I'm not, I can't go saying any potential suspicions when they are wrong, or at least most likely wrong. I looked at the clock, it was almost lunchtime – Peeta didn't open the bakery on Sundays, so he wouldn't be there, I don't think he would leave me after what happened last night, knowing him he'd want to be close by every second of the day. So where was Johanna? The apartment seemed pretty quiet, too quiet in fact, normally she would have music playing or the television on, or be chatting to someone on the phone, but I couldn't hear any of that. I decided I would just get up, and I could get something to drink too, my throat felt so dry I could hardly swallow. I pushed back the covers and put on my slippers – if they were sitting out there in silence waiting for me, I would need to be ready for whatever was going to happen; would they be angry with me? Would they try and call a doctor, or, probably worse, my mom? No, Katniss, don't be silly, they're your friends, and you're normal, and fine, and they're normal and fine, you can have a simple conversation with them. I open the door slightly, through the small opening I can see half of the couch and most of the dining table, I don't see anyone there, I sigh in relief and open the door properly, there's no one there. My body feels a little stiff as I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water, I go back and sit on the couch with the glass in my hand and look straight ahead. I stare for what feels like hours, judging by the dryness of my eyes, but could only be minutes when Johanna's bedroom door opens. I don't turn to look at her, I remain completely still, but in my peripheral vision I can see she looks exhausted, her eyes look weary and a little red, and there's definitely tear stains down her cheeks, I can see these more clearly as she comes closer to me. She sits on the couch next to me, right tucked into my body and she gently smiles. This isn't the Johanna that I know at all – she puts herself first 90% of the time, she doesn't cry or show emotion in front of other people, and she doesn't voluntarily show comfort towards other people either. "Hey" she says softly, when I don't respond she takes the glass from my hands and places it on the coffee table, "Peeta will be back soon, he's just out fetching something, he's been here all night, making sure you're alright." For some reason my mind remains blank, it's like it's erased all my memories of the past few days, "Why?" I question, "Why wouldn't I be alright?" As soon as I say this, my mind seems to click, it's like it's toying with me, and I can remember everything, my expression drops and I feel confusion and almost every other emotion thinkable runs through my mind. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out, instead I feel the emotion flowing in the tears from my eyes, as soon as this happens, Johanna has turned me towards her and has me in a tight embrace shushing me as silent tears fall, "Hey, come on now, it's ok Katniss" she says, still with a soft tone of voice, "I don't know what's happened, but I'm here for you, everyone is here for you, no matter what it is – drugs, murder, you name it, and we're here!" This is more like her, turning an emotional moment into a bit of a joke, and honestly for once, I don't mind it. The tears stop and I hug her back before pulling away. She's smiling, so I guess this is a good progress from what happened last night, "I don't know why I'm like this" I tell her honestly, "it just started happening and swept me over." "It's fine" she tells me, "we can figure it out together if you'd like?" I nod and sit in a hug with her while we both sigh in relief, however both for different reasons.


	5. Admitting (Chapter4)

**A/N Sorry these last two chapters have been a bit short, I do try keep them a little longer, but this is just how they've worked out unfortunately! I do have some long long chapters later on for you though, hopefully that will make up for it =D Also thank you thank you to the 9 followers the story has - it amazes me still that people enjoy it enough to click that button! **

Chapter 4

The next week passes fairly quickly, it's Friday before I know it, and my mom would be getting here in a couple of hours. Johanna insisted that she call my work that previous weekend and I took this week off sick, at first I was annoyed at this, I really liked going to work, but then I was glad she did as I pretty much slept all day every day, in fact today is the first day I've made it out of bed at all. I still haven't really said anything to anyone, but I've promised myself I will today, I really have to tell one of them my very small suspicions. I started feeling guilty when it got to Wednesday and Peeta had been here the whole time, checking if I needed anything or waiting in case I wanted to talk, he's gone out today though, he had to go to the bakery to collect some papers and new orders to sort out, he should be back fairly soon. Johanna stayed in on Monday, but she's been at work since then, I think she's relaxed a bit with Peeta around, I'm hoping soon everything will get back to normal.

I sit on the couch with a blanket loosely wrapped around me, I hear the door open and turn my head, it's not Peeta or Johanna, or even my mom, it's Annie. I haven't seen her since we went out last week, she hasn't called me either, but I can guess Johanna spoke to her, she smiled as she saw me on the couch, "Hey, you're out of bed" she says, with a slight surprise in her voice, "How are you feeling? Urgh, stupid question! Sorry, you don't need to answer that!" Annie is always so nice, I feel like I can trust her with this, so in the few minutes it's been since she came in, I've made the decision that I will confide in her, "I've been so stupid" I start, "I think I've made a big deal out of nothing" I hang my head in shame at my admission of the situation. It's the truth, I should be ashamed of my actions, I thought I might be pregnant and I completely went off the rails, it's so childish – just another reason showing I wasn't ready for a baby. Annie sits down next to me, "You've probably not, you've been in bed for a week, it's most likely bigger than nothing" she has such a calming and reassuring nature, I can feel tears starting to form, so I try my best to push them back, "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to or if you're not ready, it's fine, take your time" she tells me, but I shake my head, "No, I have to …" I pause and take deep breath, "I've been being stupid about it for long enough" my voice is much quieter now, I take another breath, followed by a handful more, while Annie just sits next to me, not pressuring anything from me, just being gentle support, I think I'm almost ready, though I don't really want to look at her, or anyone really, when I say it out loud, "I … I think …" I droop my head almost to my knees and I wring my hands together nervously before continuing, "I might be … be … be pregnant." It's the first time I've said the word aloud, and although a weight has been lifted, I feel another has been added by my admitting the fact that it might be true. There's a silence for a few moments, and I can't decide whether it's an awkward silence or not. I raise my head slightly and see Annie giving me a small smile before she pats my back and pulls me in for a hug, I wrap my arms around her in return and give a squeeze back. I sigh, "See, that wasn't too bad, was it?" she asks, I shake my head, "No, I just … I just amn't ready for a baby right now, and I don't even know if Peeta wants one, he probably doesn't, and he probably won't want to get married, oh and then what will my mom say, she'll be so mad…" I start trailing off everything that's going to go wrong with this, I mean I'm probably being irrational, but I guess with nothing else to do all week I've been thinking about these things more, and now that I've started talking about it, I just can't stop and everything comes spilling out, I look to Annie, who is smiling, "It's not funny!" I exclaim, "Oh Katniss, you really think Peeta would leave you because you're pregnant? He's been with you almost 24hours a day this week, he wouldn't leave you for anything!" Ok, ok, I was irrational, I don't think he would actually leave me. I calm down a bit and start breathing at a normal pace again. "So when Peeta comes back are you going to tell him?" "What? No! I can't do that" "Katniss he'd want to know, he's so worried about you, he thinks you have some sort of serious life threatening disease!" She pauses a moment before continuing, I feel worse now, knowing what I've put Peeta through, he didn't deserve this, "So I take it you haven't seen a doctor?" again I shake my head, "Ok, we should make you an appointment just to check, how far along do you think you are?" This is the question I was dreading, I knew I must be about done with the first trimester, people usually found out in the first 3 or 4 weeks of pregnancy, not months! "At least 2 months" I say quietly, "Maybe closer to 3" I feel a blush creep across my face, but Annie stays calm "Ok, we should probably see a doctor quite soon then, because if I remember correctly, you weren't keeping off the alcohol last week, just to check everything's ok" she added the last bit and I felt my face crumple, "I've probably ruined it already!" I sob into her shoulder, she pats my back again and whispers "It'll be ok" over and over again, "My mom will be here soon, what will I tell her?" I question after the tears stop, but Annie shakes her head, "Peeta called her and said you weren't well, she's going to come in a few weeks instead of this weekend" I'm relieved, Peeta seriously has thought of everything. "Why don't you take a bath, and I'll sort some things out, ok?" I do as she says, I feel like I've caused enough problems without saying that I just want to go back to bed to sleep until this is over, which unfortunately, won't be as soon as I'd like. As I soak in the warm bubbles I feel much more relaxed and at ease, it's nice to just close my eyes and rest my head back, I make sure I don't fall asleep, I want to try and hear who Annie is talking to, my guess is she's picked me a suitable doctor and is arranging and appointment with them, even though I don't want it confirmed, I know I need to go, it's always emphasised how pregnant people shouldn't drink any alcohol as it can cause development problems, but I hadn't really paid any attention to that until now, that I, a probably pregnant person, had drunk plenty last week. I can hear Annie start a new conversation with someone, it's probably Peeta or Johanna, "Yeah, she's taking a bath … no she was up when I got here, we talked for a while … yes, but I think it was more out of relief than because she was in pain … yep, I've made a doctor's appointment for later this afternoon, I'll take her, I don't think she wants to go alone …" She continues her conversation for a while, and I start to drift in and out of a light sleep until I hear a knock at the door and Annie pokes her head in, "You have a doctor's appointment, I'll come with you, and I called Johanna to say where we were going" Wait wait wait, she told Johanna about my … _situation_?! Annie must pick up on my worry, "I just said I made you an appointment, didn't tell her what for. You need to stop getting so worked up by everything, no one will hate you or abandon you just because you're pregnant!" she says, "Babies are good things" she adds with a smile, trying to get me to reciprocate, but I don't, I just nod. She hands me a towel and I step out of the bath and dry off, it feels nicer being clean, and I realise I hadn't washed in the last week at all, I must have looked awful. I don't bother glancing in the mirror as I leave the bathroom, I'd rather not know how I look now, it's probably as bad as it was before I washed, although at least my hair would be clean now. I choose some clothes and get dressed, I notice my room has been tidied and cleaned, I guess Annie or Peeta must have done that. Thankfully neither Peeta nor Johanna are here when we leave, they would just ask questions and want to come too, I didn't want that, nor did I need that. I don't know why I'm taking this so hard, it's like my mind has turned everything inside out and is messing with, well everything, my feelings, emotions and thoughts. Annie holds my hand as we walk to her car, then takes it again as we get out at the doctor's office.


	6. Taking The Test (Chapter5)

**A/N - Thanks to everyone who has followed so far, I'm amazed that people are actually reading it!**

**Disclaimer - I do not own The Hunger Games**

Chapter 5

The receptionist hands me a clipboard of forms to fill in and give to the doctor when I'm called. It takes at least ten minutes to fill them all in, and we wait another ten after that to be called. I spend most of that time shaking my leg up and down, I guess it's a nervous thing I do. But Annie puts her hand on my knee to stop it, "It's fine, Katniss, stop worrying" she says, and then I'm called by a nurse, "Do you want me to come in with you?" Annie asks and I nod my head quickly, I'm not going in there alone.

We sit at the desk in a large room, there's an examination bed in one corner, and rather a lot of equipment in various locations around the room, while the desk we sit at is in the middle. The doctor comes in, she's probably about 50 years old, and looks very experienced, she also reminds me of my mom, she has the same build and a similar hair colour and style. From behind, I probably would have mistaken her for my mom, this panics me, what if my mom saw me here? How am I going to explain this to her? I feel my eyes widen a little and I firmly press my lips together. Wait Katniss, this is not your mother, she's on the other side of the country, she's also not a doctor, she's a nurse, just breathe … calm, breathe. "Hi Katniss," she says warmly, and smiles at me while she sits down on the other side of the desk. She takes the clipboard from my hands and clicks a few things on the computer. "Right, let me just fill a few things in here from your forms … and then I can bring up your notes." She starts typing and flicking through the forms to check things, notes, I think _notes_, she already has information about me, Annie must have given them my life story on the phone when she called. But she's the sensible one, she probably made a good shout doing that, I think she knew I wouldn't willingly give up a lot of information about myself, right, I think, she's just looking out for me. "Right Katniss" she says with her hands clasped together on the desk, "So you haven't seen a doctor yet about your pregnancy?" I shake my head, "Ok, that's alright, when did you take your home pregnancy test?" Ok, this will be awkward seeing as I haven't actually taken one, I simply shake my head, she'll understand what I mean, "Ok, that's alright too Katniss" I don't believe her for a second, any sensible person would have taken a pregnancy test first before freaking out about it. "Would you be ok to do one now?" I look up at her for the first time and give a nod, I'm better doing this sooner rather than later, "There's some in the bathroom, just there" she points to a door leading off of the office, I stand and slowly make my way over. I lock the door and press my back against it, breathing in and out deeply. There were a stack of boxes of pregnancy tests on a shelf next to the toilet, I took one and opened it with shaking hands. I used it and put it on the unit. It took three minutes to give results. I closed my eyes and counted those three minutes in my head, when I came to the end I felt my hands clam up and I rubbed them together nervously before opening my eyes: _pregnant_ the test said. To be honest I wasn't shocked, I kind of knew that's what it would say, I could feel a lump starting to form in my throat, I knew tears would be coming soon. I took a drink of water and pushed them as far back as I could, I knew the doctor would be waiting for me, though I think she knew I would need time to take it in properly. I dried my hands then picked up the test and went back out to the office, handing the doctor the test and sitting back down next to Annie, who took my hand in hers. "Thank you Katniss" the doctor said, still smiling. I'm guessing Annie told her a lot more about me while I was in the bathroom. "Now I just need to check your blood pressure, and I need to run a blood test, it's just a formality, just to check your iron and hormone levels." She says, I guess I don't really get a choice for them. I held out my arm while she strapped on the blood pressure cuff, "It's a little low, but nothing to worry about" she says, then she picks up a tray off of her desk. She applies a tourniquet and asks me to turn away while she takes the blood, I cling to Annie's hand while she takes it, but it's not really that painful. She labels a few small tubes of blood, "We should have the results of that tomorrow, so you can call up anytime and we'll let you know what's what." I nod, I really don't want to have to call up, Peeta probably won't leave my side and he'll wonder what I'm doing, maybe Annie will do it for me? But the doctor is continuing before I can ponder this longer "Now I'll need to do an exam on you Katniss, it'll be both internal then an ultrasound, if we think you might be nearing 3 months it'll be important to check everything thoroughly." Again this doesn't sound like something I have an option of doing, so I just nod and she directs me over to the examination bed. She gives me a paper sheet and closes a curtain around me while I remove everything from the waist down before lying on the bed. She enters and tells me to relax before carrying out the internal exam – it's pretty odd, and I'm already so uptight that it's hard to relax for something like this. It began to hurt almost as soon as she started, I gripped the sides of the bed tightly and closed my eyes. It was over fairly soon and I put my underwear and jeans back on, "Now you might experience a little bleeding after the internal exam, but this is completely normal, if it lasts more than 24 hours, you can come back in and we'll check over everything. Now we can do the ultrasound." I lay down and the doctor opened the curtain fully around the bed so Annie could come and sit next to me. I lifted my sweater and the doctor applied some cold gel to my abdomen, I looked away while she did this, I didn't want to look at it, or at the ultrasound screen, or anyone, so I turned my head on the pillow to face the wall. She moved the ultrasound wand around my abdomen for a little before typing a few things onto the screen and making a few measurements, "And there's baby" she says, I still don't look, "I'd say from the measurements that you're about eleven weeks, I'd expect you'll start showing soon, if you're not already a little now" I blush a little when she says this, I don't want to be 'showing' at all. The room is silent for a few minutes before Annie speaks up, I almost forgot she was there, "Katniss, just take a look, it looks lovely" Annie has always been a motherly type, she hasn't hidden the fact that she can't wait to settle down and have children, and I start to feel badly that this is something she wants much more than I do and yet it's happening to me and not her. "Baby looks in good health" the doctor says, she is trying to reassure me, I can tell she just wants me to look, "Katniss I can't make you look, but I think you should, you might feel better if you did", the gentle encouragement is starting to work, and I feel myself almost wanting to just turn my head and see, "Now would we like to hear the heartbeat?" she asks, I nod, I guess I should check it's alive and that the alcohol hasn't had killed it. No, I shouldn't want that, because if it did have an effect then I would be blamed as I was the one who chose to drink, I need to find out so I can prepare myself for the blame to be placed firmly on my shoulders. The doctor picks up a smaller machine and runs the wand over my abdomen before it picks up a sound, it sounds almost like a gushing, then there was a consistent almost pounding sound, it was the heartbeat … it was ok. This was a turning point for me, and I could feel my eyes starting to cloud with tears, but not of sadness, from happiness. This is the first time I've felt something other than … well nothing in quite a long time. "Is that the …" I trail off and turn my head around to the monitor where I can see the picture of the baby, and on a separate bar there is the heartbeat shown in steadily beating waves, "Yes, strong heartbeat" the doctor says, she leaves the sound playing while I just sit and listen, it has quite a calming effect. "I'll get you a print out to take home" the doctor says as she heads back over to her desk where the printer must be located. I wipe the gel off of my skin and pull my clothes back over the exposed area. I swing my legs off the bed and turn to Annie, pulling her into a hug, "Thank you" I whisper to her. We sit back down at the desk and I'm handed a folder with some reading along with a few ultrasound pictures, "Now, you'll need to get started on some extra vitamins, there's names of a few recommended ones in the reading, and then …" she keeps talking about all these things I should be taking and watching out for, but I stop listening pretty quickly, I know Annie will pay attention for me, my attitude does kind of annoy me, this is my responsibility, I made _this_, so I should pay attention to how to take care of it, but I just can't. I sit with the folder in my hands and stare down at it until she stops talking, "Are you ok Katniss? Any questions?" "No" I reply simply, she looks at me for a while before speaking again, I can tell she's trying to read me, but I'm keeping my expression as steady as I can, "Ok then, so if you remember to call tomorrow for the blood results, and book an appointment for 3 weeks." We get up to leave and thank her at the door before going to the reception desk. I make an appointment and then we go back to Annie's car. After we get in, she doesn't start the ignition, instead she turns to face me, "So" she starts, "Are you good now? You've had the pregnancy confirmed, your cute little baby looks fine and there's a healthy heartbeat." I nod, but let myself gaze on out of the window behind her, a few moments pass before she speaks again, "Katniss I can read you like a book, what aren't you telling me?" This isn't only what _she's_ asking me, but what I'm asking myself. I don't know the answer, I don't know what to tell her, because I don't know what to tell myself, "I don't know" I say truthfully, "I can feel something isn't quite right somewhere, but I can't figure out what it is" I add a little downheartedly, "I feel like I've done something wrong", I can tell Annie is getting out of her depth here, she's pretty good at saying the right thing in almost all situations, but this is a new one for her, "Oh sweetie, don't think like that, you haven't" she pauses to think for a while, "maybe it's just because you've kept it to yourself and haven't been able to talk about what you're thinking. I think you just need to let it all out, you're working yourself up too much." She makes another pause, "I think you need to talk to Peeta about this."


	7. You're not mad at me? (Chapter6)

**A/N: Sorry for so long without an update, this week went by so quickly that I literally thought it had only been 2 days since I last posted! Will make an effort to post again tomorrow as I do have a fair amount of chapters actually written!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games, even though it would be awesome if I did =) **

Chapter 6

Peeta. I hadn't even been thinking about Peeta at all. What would he think? What would he say? Would he have wanted to be the first that I talked to? Would he have brought me here himself? Now I can't help but think how much I have disappointed him – I told someone else first, and they sorted things out for me and were there with me, and even when I was there, I hadn't thought that he might like to see this with me, for the first time together. Annie lets me think about this while she drives back to my place, "He'll be so disappointed in me" I say quietly, but not in a whisper, I need to discuss it with someone, "He won't be, that's not what Peeta's like, he'll be happy for you, for the both of you. He'll be happy that you opened up to me, you've been so silent and distant this past week", "But he'll have wanted to be the one I opened up to …" I start, but stop before digging myself into a never-ending hole, this was a battle I wouldn't get out of easily, and it didn't seem to be ending soon, then I find it all just pouring from my mouth "I just can't get my mind straight, nothing is making sense, and I can't stop thinking about how much I've done wrong, but when you ask about it, I can't explain why … it's so frustrating!" I'm almost shouting at the end, and I notice tears are falling down my cheeks. Annie's slowly rubbing circles on my shoulder trying to calm me, "Come on," she says, "we should go inside and just sit down with Peeta, I can tell Johanna if you want, but it needs to be you talking to Peeta … ok?" I sigh, "Ok."

We climb the stairs and I open the front door, there's no one in the living space, but Annie gently pushes me towards my bedroom while she goes to Johanna's. I'm standing in front of the door – I know he's in there waiting for me; I take a deep breath and open it. He's sitting on the window seat with a magazine, when he sees me he drops it and quickly comes up to hug me, I let myself hug him back and rest my face against his chest, taking in his warmth and his sweet smell, I sighed and relax into him, "I need to tell you something" I took more of his scent in, it was like aromatherapy, I took another breath, deciding to just rip off the Band-Aid and come out with it, "I'm pregnant" I felt him tense up, I kept a hold of him with my arms, not wanting to let go or look at his face, I didn't want to see his disappointment right now, I just wanted to be with him. "Pregnant?" He said, "Really?" I nod my head, swallowing before speaking "Yeah", a moment of silence followed, the air felt tight and like his reaction could go either way, "Oh Katniss" he exclaimed before pulling my face off his chest for a kiss, he looked happy, in fact he looked so ecstatic, then he pulled me in to another tight hug. I felt so confused, this wasn't what I thought was going to happen, I pictured him storming out and calling off our wedding, "So … so … you're not mad? Not mad at me?" I ask him, with a slight worry in my expression and voice, "Why would I be mad? I love you Katniss, there's nothing to be mad about!" I let myself smile, "I love you too"

We sit down on the bed and I drape my legs across his lap, "I thought you would be mad at me because I didn't tell you and I let you worry this week while I just slept. I was scared" I admit to him, "I thought you wouldn't want a baby right now because we're too young and not ready for one, I've already shown how I can't even look after myself, what am I supposed to do with a baby? And I thought you wouldn't want to get married" I trail, looking into my hands with embarrassment, it all just sounds silly when I say it out loud, "Is this all you've been thinking of this week?" he asks, I nod "I'm just silly, forget I said anything" I'm still looking at my hands. He pulls my face up so I'm looking at him, "It's not silly, you've just worked yourself up and are thinking irrationally, you've bottled it all up and it's just gotten a little out of control, you just need to release it all, then you'll feel better. I'm excited to raise our baby together, and I wouldn't want it any other way" he kisses me, "and I'm excited to be married to you. I love you more than anything, and I could never leave you, never." I let his words relax me, I do feel much happier now that we've talked, and now that I know Peeta is going to be by my side always, "But I still feel like something is wrong, I don't feel … _right_" I tell him, he suddenly looks panicked, and looks between my eyes and my abdomen, "Not with the baby, it's fine, they gave me a picture, I mean with me, something doesn't feel right with me" I say sadly, his expression has lost a little concern, but he still looks worried, he doesn't like when everything isn't one hundred percent alright with me, he likes to keep me happy, especially since Prim passed away. "I need to tell Prim" I say to him.

* * *

Prim died when she was 14, that was six years ago now. She died in the same accident as Finnick, who was one of our friends at school, he was close to Annie, and she took his death hard, but she's so strong now, she always says she lives for the both of them, and does things both for herself, but also for him. She handles everything perfectly, I wish I was more like her.

When they said that Prim had died, I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. She was so young, and innocent, and had so much promise, she had barely even lived, and she had barely done anything in her short life. Our mom was distraught too obviously, but I took it badly, she was my little Prim, the only person I loved, the only person I wanted to love. I wished with all my heart I could switch places with her, to give her a chance at life. But unfortunately life doesn't give you that opportunity. I became withdrawn after her death – I guess some people would call it depression, but I hated that term, I didn't feel like it described me at all. I didn't really want to do anything, I would sit and look into her room, not going in as I was afraid I would disturb it and it would ruin my memory of her, and I did that for days, probably close to 3 weeks. My mom picked herself up during that while, but she always made time for Prim. She didn't like to spend much time with me though, and I can see why, I would just make her upset.

I came out of this state because of Peeta. We had always been good friends, and had the same group of friends. He came by every day and sat with me for a while, even if it was just ten minutes on his way to sports practice or on his way home, but he would go out of his way to see me. At first he would sit with me in silence, then he started telling me things that had happened at school that day, and by the fourth week he would bring me school work that I had missed. He just seemed to heal me. Shortly after that we just seemed to grow together, and we became a couple – it's been that way ever since.


	8. Johanna (Chapter7)

**A/N: Uploading another chapter, it's shorter than I want my chapters to be, but it's from a different POV, and I wasn't sure I wanted a huge emphasis of that in the story. Will upload again this week =D **

**Disclaimer - I don't own The Hunger Games**

Chapter 7 –Johanna's POV

I left for work just before 9am, Peeta was still here, but I knew he needed to go into the bakery at some point today, so I called Annie on my way to the office, "Hey, do you still have the keys to our place?" I asked her, she said yes before I continued, "Can you go in and check Katniss at lunchtime? I'm on my way to work and Peeta has to go to the bakery soon, and he'll be happier going if someone else is there." "Of course" she told me, "He really needs to get some rest, it's not healthy for him to be sitting staring at her worryingly all the time, I'll give him a text just now" she added. I thanked her before getting to work and hanging up.

In the early afternoon I got a text update from Annie to call her when I'm free, I do so immediately "Hey, is everything ok?" I ask, "Yeah, she's taking a bath" "Really, how long did it take you to peel her off the bed?" "She was up when I got here, we talked for a while" _Phew_, I think, she voluntarily got out of bed, this is a good sign, I continue "So did she tell you what was wrong?" "Yes, but I think it was more out of relief than because she was in pain" Oh, I'm thinking, whatever is going on in Katniss' mind is really messing her up, this is so unusual for her, "So do you think she needs a doctor's appointment?" "Yep, I've made one for later this afternoon, I can take her, she won't want to go alone" "You're right," I tell her, "probably best you, you haven't been there with her this week, it'll be a fresh face." We chat a little more before she hangs up. I'm tempted to just leave work now and go to meet Annie and Katniss, but I wouldn't want to overwhelm Katniss now that she's opened up, she never does that, she doesn't let anyone inside her little walls that she's built for protection. So I decide to call Peeta and give him an update, "Annie's taking her to a doctor, I think you should be at the flat when they get back, she's really opened up, so she'll want to see you right away I'd think. Annie said they'd probably be back around 5, so I can get you on my way home from work at 4". Peeta seems pleased that Annie has gotten her to a doctor, and thankfully we find ourselves in the apartment in no time at all. I give Peeta a sympathetic pat on the back, and he gives me a small smile in return. He goes into Katniss' room and closes the door, while I do the same with mine. I'm kind of at a loss at what to do, this is unusual for me, I always have something to do, or someone to talk to, but I'm just desperate to talk to Annie. I hear the front door open then close a little while later. And soon Annie slips into my room and takes a huge breath in and lets out a sigh. We hear Katniss go into her room before Annie sits on the bed next to me, "Is it too early for a drink?" she asks, at first I can't tell if she's serious or not, "No, of course it is" she answers her own question while I gesture for her to tell me everything.

"Right, when I got here she was sitting on the couch, so I sat with her and she cried and babbled something about being silly and causing everyone to worry, I reassured her, but then she started saying about how Peeta would be mad with her and would want to leave her," I pause her here; she thought Peeta would leave her? "I know, that's what I thought" Annie replied to my expression before continuing, "Then she mentioned that she thought her mom would be angry, which I totally didn't get at all, I didn't have a clue why her mom had anything to do with this. But then she told me what was wrong," Annie took a breath then softened her expression, "She said she thought she was pregnant." "Wow, wow, wow, our 'I'm not having kids' Katniss?" She nods, before carrying on with the events, "She said she thought she was almost 3 months, and then the rambling started again, she said she wasn't ready for a baby, and that she thought Peeta didn't want one and that's why he'd leave her. I think she just needed someone to speak sense to her, she's just been running these thoughts through her mind since last week and she's just gotten into a deeper hole. I got her to agree to an appointment, but only after I remembered that she'd been drinking last week, which got her into more of a state, she thought she'd ruined it with that. Long story short, she calmed down and took a bath, that's when I called you." By this point I'm running my hands through my hair trying to process all this, it just reminds me of what she was like when Prim died …

Annie continued, "She was a bit of a state at the doctor's office too. She barely spoke to the doctor, then she had to do a pregnancy test, she was in the bathroom for over ten minutes. The doctor asked me a few questions, I mentioned she'd had alcohol and that I thought she hadn't known long at all. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I mentioned what she was like after Prim, the doctor definitely took an interest in that, I think she thought there were some memories or a connection or something. And when she did the ultrasound, Katniss wouldn't even look at the picture, she only turned her head once the heartbeat could be heard. I have never seen her like this before, I mean she was bad after Prim, but this is completely different." I agreed with her as I took in everything that had happened. I'm glad Annie mentioned Prim to the doctor, this could be some sort of depression that would need looking at.


	9. Touch (Chapter8)

**AN : Thanks so much for the continued support through all your followings and favouritings, I get so excited every time I get an email saying someone has done one of them! Maybe some more reviews though? That way I can gauge exactly what your thoughts and feelings are and you can give me some criticisms if you have any for me =) This chapter is back to Katniss' POV.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own The Hunger Games (still! Wish I did though!)**

Chapter 8

"_I need to tell Prim" I say to him._

"Ok" he says, "we can head over whenever you like." I smile at him and we lie down side by side on the bed. His movements are slow, but I know what he's doing before he's even done it. He's rested his hand across his body onto my abdomen. I freeze as he does so, and gently push his hand off, "Not right now, Peeta, I don't … I can't … I just, I'm not ready … please" I choke out. He looks offended, like I just slapped him. I turn to lie on my side away from him. There's an awkward silence in the room until I can't stand it anymore, and get up and leave, closing the door behind me. I immediately go into Johanna's room without knocking, and see her and Annie sitting on the bed together. I huff as I sit down and cross my arms, "What? Mad now are we?" Johanna joked, "It's not funny!" I exclaim, "I'm mad at myself! Peeta tried to … he tried to, to touch me …" Johanna smirked before pulling an expression of fake horror, "He did what?! The nerve! I can see the headlines now 'Man touches fiancé!' I really don't know what he was thinking Katniss!" I hit her with the back of my hand, "Not like that, he put his hand on," I gestured toward my abdomen, "… it." I said, turning my anger into a slight sadness, "And I pushed him away. And now I've probably hurt him more" I realise, I always do this, I do things without thinking first, I'm so selfish in that respect, how could anyone want to be with me, I always do hurtful things and think of myself before anyone else? Annie becomes the voice of reason, "You both probably just need a little time and space, having a baby is a big thing for couples, even when it's planned, it's just a little more sudden when it's unplanned." "Do you think I should talk to him? Apologise?" Neither Johanna nor Annie say anything for a moment, but they share a glance. "Maybe give him some time to process this," Annie says, "I'll go and speak to him, and you can talk to Johanna for a while." She says this with a firm tone, and she doesn't give me a chance to say no before she's out the door. And I'm left with Johanna. We're not usually a pair to have awkward silences, but there can be firsts for everything. Neither of us know what to say really, I've never been one to open up about feelings with her, and she's never been one to know what to say in more serious situations. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused this week, I know you've been worried." I say to her, both of us are looking at our hands, not wanting to have any eye contact. "Katniss," she starts, then grasps my hands in hers and looks directly at me, "it's fine. It's been tough for you when I know this is something you haven't thought about. I know kids aren't on your radar." It was weird hearing these words come from Johanna, it was always Annie who had the role in emotional matters. "And you've never been great at telling people what you're thinking, you always make a judgement and never change your opinion then get yourself into a state!" She adds a little humour with her last sentence, I smile "I know I've been stupid about it. But I couldn't help think how disappointed people would feel, and how unprepared I was, and how Peeta would blame me for this, and" Johanna cuts me off before I can say anything else, "Why would Peeta blame you? He loves you, heck, he's _marrying_ you!" She's right, one hundred percent right, there's a voice in my mind telling me how unreasonable and irrational I'm being, but there's a larger one telling me that everything is my fault, and that everyone, quite rightly, blames me for this. I close my eyes and gently rub them with my fingertips, trying to decipher what I'm thinking and what answer I want to give. "My thoughts are all jumbled together, I can't make head nor tail of them. I know you're right, I'm sure of it. But it's like there's another voice telling me that it's wrong and that everything is my fault." I sigh as I admit my true thoughts to her. I don't like where I'm at with my thoughts, and I don't like the fact that I have thoughts like this, it almost reminds me of … "Prim" I say out loud, "It was like this after Prim died!" I despair, dropping my head into my lap and running my hands through my hair. I felt Johanna lean into me, providing comfort. I knew I was making her uncomfortable, sharing everything, but unfortunately once I'd started, stopping wasn't an option. Johanna sighed, though it wasn't her usual 'I'm fed up with you' sigh, it was more like a sigh of relief. "Do you maybe want to see someone?" she asked, "Get some help?" I didn't like the idea of this, she meant like a therapist of some psych doctor, which always reminded me of people being committed to psych wards like you see in television programs, I wasn't like those people at all. _Oh but maybe you are_, that little voice at the back of my head questioned. I blanked out the voices, so I was hearing close to nothing, nothing until I heard my own voice speaking, apparently on its' own accord, "Yes … please." It sounded pleading, it sounded a reasonable, sensible persons answer to a genuine question and a genuine offer of aid. I wipe my hands over my face before sitting up, "Peeta, I need to apologise to Peeta" I say firmly. "He's been nothing but supportive and I've been nothing but an idiot!" I feel so ashamed of my actions now, he only wants the best of the situation. And as if on cue, Annie appears in the room, I open my mouth to ask her … well ask her anything, about what she said, what he said … but nothing comes out, "It's ok, he still loves you!" Phew, but I know I need to make this up to him, Annie continues "I told him everything, even what you may have conveniently forgotten to mention, and he's just processing it. He's barely had a few hours to take in that you're having a baby, you have to remember you've had a lot longer to think about it." I nod, she's right again. I stand up, "I need to apologise to him, and … tell him what I told you" I say, turning to Johanna, who nods and smiles in agreement with me. "I think he's gone to sleep, but just sit with him, he's been there for you, and now it's your turn." Annie wisely tells me. It's hard to believe we're the same age, she is always so wise and responsible while I'm completely the opposite. "Thank you" I tell her, "You've both been so nice, when you didn't have to be" I say to both Annie and Johanna, "You can be so brainless sometimes Everdeen! We're your friends, we'll always be here for you!" Johanna says, clearly back in her stride. I smile and we all share a comforting hug.

Annie leaves and makes me promise to call her if I need anything, she also reminds me to call the doctor for the blood results and to also pick up the vitamins first thing tomorrow. It seemed like so long ago the doctor had been telling me all of this, when it was barely hours ago. I had forgotten all about the ultrasound pictures until I see the folder on the dining table, I pick one up and show Johanna, "Wow, that's a baby? So weird … and that's inside of you? Biology is the weirdest thing like ever, how it works is just … unbelievable! Who knew sex would lead to that?" Yep, Johanna's totally herself now, I prefer her like this, she's not right as a comforting person, Johanna and comfort are two words that just don't belong together. Everyone knows it, and she is more than happy with it. She asks if I'm ok before going to bed – it's only mid-evening, but after everything that's happened it feels like the middle of the night. I keep a hold of the picture and quietly go into my room, the lights are on a low setting and the curtains are drawn. Peeta's lying facing away from the door, and I can hear his breathing is steady, I'm not sure if he's really asleep or if he's pretending. I change into pyjamas and pull back the covers, "I'm sorry for everything I've done today, and this week, I was being selfish" I say to him, almost in a whisper, I lie down and place the ultrasound photo on the pillow between our sides of the bed, "I love you" I say once I'm settled, and I fall asleep almost immediately.


	10. Telling him everything (Chapter9)

**AN: Sorry it's another short chapter, I'm really annoyed I didn't make it longer, but it was a while ago I wrote this point in the story! This is also another POV, if you read the AN in the last one like this, you'll know I don't want to focus on others' POV's too much, but I did feel some were necessary to fit together pieces of the story - another update will be with you at the weekend =D **

***Please note there are mentions of depression in this chapter***

**Disclaimer - don't own The Hunger Games sadly!**

Chapter 9 – Annie's POV

Today has been the longest day in a very long time. Once Katniss had told us about pushing Peeta away, I knew I wanted to talk to him – I had to tell him everything that she had told me, and everything that went on at the doctor's office. Katniss wouldn't optionally tell him everything, she'd pick at the facts and then he'd be too nice to her, he wouldn't push her for everything. I know that this is quite a personal matter, but Katniss isn't the best at dealing with them, even when they are her own.

I think he was quite relieved to see me come and talk to him, he wanted the details but couldn't pressure Katniss for them. "I know you're still working this all out," I said sympathetically to him, he nodded in response, "she's really confused, she's upset that she hurt you, and she feels bad for you worrying about her. I think she's not sure if she wants to believe she's really pregnant, but I saw a flicker of it when she heard the heartbeat." He looked up at me with wide eyes, "And was it ok, the heartbeat?" I nodded, "It sounded perfect, and mesmerising, it symbolised life, and I think Katniss realised it too when it was beating in the room. Her attitude completely changed when we left there though, I think she felt a form of safety when we were with the doctor, I think it made the pregnancy seem more real. Once we stopped hearing it and being there, it almost was like it was imaginary, she completely zoned out a few times, her eyes glazed over … just like with Prim." I hated bringing it up, but I needed to, I needed to be open about this. "The doctor mentioned depression to me, she said it wasn't uncommon when pregnancies have been unplanned or unexpected, and she said there was a higher risk of antenatal depression if there had been any signs of a state of depression before. She'd only seen Katniss for ten minutes before saying this, I think she can tell there's something going on with her." I said this as gently as I could, if he hadn't been thinking about this at all, it could completely dislodge him. He sighed, "I'm glad you told me … I couldn't help thinking there have been signs of a depression this week, especially with all the sleeping, and her unwillingness to talk and her change in emotions. I mean it could be just because of the pregnancy, but she lost that glint in her eyes, she looked like the life was being sucked out of her… " He had trailed off, but I comforted him the best I could. "Deep down, I think Katniss knows that something is wrong, she'll ask for help when she's ready, which honestly could be soon, even just talking to her today I could see how torn and beaten down she was, one minute she was saying that you would hate her and not want to marry her, and the next she would disagree with herself completely, and try to see the best outcome." "Annie you're so helpful, thank you," he pulled me into a hug, "I don't know what we'd do without you, honestly!" I didn't say anything, we stayed seated in our comforting silence. "The doctor gave her a folder with some information, vitamins and healthy things like that which need to be looked at, I think she included information about depression. In the morning it might be good to take a look over it. And in case Katniss forgets, she has to call up for her blood results tomorrow, it's to do with iron levels to check for anaemia, so she might need some extra supplements." Peeta took all of this information in, he concentrated so hard on everything, I could tell he wanted to get it all right for Katniss, he wanted to be the best husband and father he could. "You're so good to Katniss, you'll be a perfect husband to her, and a great father!" I told him as I pulled him in for a hug. He had lain down to sleep before I left the room and went back to Katniss. I felt so much better about today after I had spoken to him, I felt like all the right people knew the right information they needed.

I had gone back to the other room and reassured Katniss of what I'd told Peeta, and gave her some comforting words before I left for the evening. It was barely 8pm, but I was exhausted, I could tell this was just the start of a long, yet important, journey.


	11. Glaze Over (Chapter10)

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games!**

Chapter 10

I woke early the next morning. My mind was filled with facts and dreams, and it was hard to piece together what was real and what wasn't: I'm Katniss? _Check. _I'm pregnant? _Check._ Peeta is mad at me? _… No, no, that's not 'Check'. _Deep down we love each other, even though I do hurtful things to him? _Check. _I'm not feeling right and my thoughts are confused? _Check. _I agreed to get help last night?

_Check. _I didn't want to admit this one, but I knew it was true. I looked at the clock, 6am. I kinda just wanted Peeta to hold me close, to whisper sweet kind words in my ears, but I was selfish thinking this. He's asleep right now, and he looks so peaceful … I glance over at him, he's on his back now, his face relaxed in a slight smile. He's peaceful and happy. He's much happier than when he's awake, I'm not taking that from him. I walk as quietly as I can to the door and head to the bathroom, I turn on the light and lock the door behind me. I'm shocked when I look down to see that I've been bleeding, it's stained over my pyjama bottoms. I cover my mouth with my hands as I try not to make a noise in my panic, I don't quite know where to look – I don't want to see the crimson colour, nor do I want to look at myself in the mirror. So I perch on the edge of the bath and shut my eyes tight. Then I hear a faint voice in my head, at first I haven't a clue who it is, it's not Annie or Johanna, or any one of our other friends. I try to let this voice become dominant, then I hear it clearly, _"you might experience a little bleeding … this is completely normal"_. It's the doctor, she told me this yesterday. I am relieved I even remember this, at least I took in some useful information, and I'm relieved that something terrible hasn't happened to … to … to the baby. This is the first time I've allowed myself to think that I have a baby inside of me. My breathing calms as something else in my mind clicks, I care. I care about the baby, I don't want anything to happen to it. I almost laugh at myself before I realise how early it is, and hold it back. Think rationally Katniss. Think sensibly, think like a responsible adult. Ok, what would Annie do? She's the most responsible person I know, and she would take charge perfectly if something like this happened. Without even thinking about it, I've run a bath and removed my pyjamas, and have put them to soak in the sink. My abdomen feels a little weird, maybe stiff, as I move, so as gently as I can, I get into the bath and lean back into the steaming water. It feels great on my skin, and soothes my tense muscles almost immediately. I don't let myself fall asleep though, I want to be awake when Peeta wakes so I can talk to him.

Once the water starts to feel colder, I stand and wrap a towel around myself while it drains, it looks slightly tinted with blood, but I'm surprisingly calm. I manage to re-enter my bedroom and get clean lounging clothes without waking Peeta, and I come back to the bathroom to deal with my soiled pyjamas. I've never had to hand wash or rinse clothes before, so I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do. I try to channel Annie again, when I hear someone get up and rush around the apartment, before I can even think his name, Peeta bursts into the bathroom, with a look of terror and worry and panic on his face, and the ultrasound picture I left on the pillow in his hand. The blooded garments in the sink were the tipping point for his tears and he grasped me quickly into his arms, "Peeta … Peeta, stop, it's ok, the baby's ok" I whisper into his ear. He begins to murmur words back, but I barely pick up any of them, just one – blood. "It's fine, it's fine" I repeat before telling him what the doctor said. He pulls back a little to look at me, "Are you sure?" I let myself smile at him and nod, "Yes … I'm sorry about last night, I hate myself for pushing you away, I was being selfish." Peeta's expression softens, "You have nothing to be sorry about" I know that's a lie, there are plenty of things which are my fault and I am at blame for. I couldn't contradict him, I didn't want to ruin this moment for him. Instead I took one of his hands from my back and gently placed it on my currently flat stomach, I leaned in closer and rested my head on his shoulder. "I was so worried, I woke up and saw this," he indicates the ultrasound picture still in his grip, "Then saw you weren't there, then I saw the blood, and I thought … I thought …" I stop him continuing by pressing a kiss against his lips.

We stand in our embrace for ten minutes before either of us says anything, "I think I might go back to sleep" I tell him, "Ok, I'll get you comfy on the couch and then I'll clean up everything and make you some breakfast" He replies, "Don't bother with the cleaning, I can do it later" I say quietly as we make our way from the bathroom not wanting to wake Johanna. He tucks a blanket around me as I settle into the cushions on the couch, before I know it I've fallen asleep.

I wake to Johanna making something to eat, "Ouch, was it that bad that you had to sleep out here?" I'm not sure if she's serious or not, "No," I reply, "I got up ages ago and lay down for a nap … what time is it?" She glances at her watch, "12, Peeta said he'd be back soon and something about your bed, the bakery and said you shouldn't worry if you wake up." I sighed and joined Johanna at the dining table, "So was last night ok between you?" she questioned, "He was sleeping when I went in, but we talked this morning, it's fine." "Are _you _fine?" I bit my cheek at her question and shrugged, "I don't know, my mood keeps changing, I feel alright sometimes and then other times I just want to … get away, falling asleep seems to make things easier." "It'll get better, then you'll give birth and it'll be worse – like how the heck is a fully grown baby coming out of _there_!" I laugh with Johanna and instantly feel better. This is what I need, people just being normal around me. My eyes catch the folder on the table, and I can see the second ultrasound picture and find myself staring at it, "We should frame it and put it somewhere to look at." Johanna suggests. That's actually a really good idea, so I nod, then pull out the rest of the information in the folder. I still needed to buy the vitamins the doctor suggested, and oh, I need to call for the blood results. This terrifies me, what if they indicate I have some crazy disease? Or that there's something wrong with the baby? What if I've gotten Peeta excited for something and then it's not actually going to work out? I'll have disappointed him again, it's always the same, me disappointing him over and over, and him saying I have nothing to be sorry about … when I do, I really do. "Right, come on then" Johanna speaks up after what seems like a very long time, "Let's go meet Peeta at the bakery" "What? Why?" "Because I say so, and because when you stop doing anything your eyes glaze over and it freaks me out. You need to snap out of this now, you have more than yourself to think about here." I get up and change my clothes, following her instructions. If I stop listening to what my friends say, I worry they'll stop looking out for me, then I'll have no one, well just Peeta, and I'm too much for him to manage by himself. Well there's my mother too … my mother, I haven't told her yet, or Prim. I need to do that soon, especially as she'll start asking me why she had to cancel her trip here.

Johanna practically marches me to the bakery, where Peeta is behind the counter, "Hey" he greets us and kisses me on the cheek, he gives me a questioning look and has barely time to ask what's wrong before Johanna begins her rant, "Deal with her, she's happy and five minutes later her eyes glaze over and she's miserable." She hands him a pile of information which I assume was in the folder, "Read this and make her an appointment." Then she turns to me, "Katniss, I love you, I'm one of your best friends, I'm all for being supportive, but you're a mess. Go get sorted out. You're pregnant, people get pregnant without planning it all the time and they suck it up and deal with it, so you need to do the same." She huffs as she finishes and leaves me and Peeta in the bakery, both of us looking rather speechless. She's right, she's so right … and again I'm an idiot. I start to crumple to the ground, and Peeta manages to wrap his arms around me and catch me before the sobs begin, "She's right … she's right … I'm a bad friend, a bad person … she deserves better than me …" I'm about to continue that Peeta deserves better than me too, but he puts his hand over my mouth. "Stop. Stop this. Stop putting yourself down" he says this firmly, much more strongly than he's spoken to me in a long time, "Have you read any of this?" he asks, I shake my head, I don't even really know what it is. "I want you to listen to me, I'll tell you what it is, and what I think, and you can't freak out or glaze over, you need to listen properly. You need to be responsible for yourself … for our baby" he looks into my eyes and gently passes his hand over my stomach when he mentions the baby. I nod. I need to listen to him, but my mind is starting to turmoil. One half says to stop being selfish and accept everything he says and the help he offers, but the other says that no-one knows me like I do, and that I should deal with it myself. "The doctor gave some information about help we can get throughout the pregnancy, she thinks there's one area that you need it specifically. So she recommended going to see a psychiatrist." He paused, "She thinks you are showing signs of antenatal depression … you need to talk through your feelings with someone experienced in this so they can get you the help that you need. And help you feel better." I listen, depression is not a word associated with me, it wasn't after Prim, and it isn't now, I furrow my brow and think of what I want to tell Peeta, that I don't have any such thing? That I'm fine, just a little confused? I know I promised Johanna that I would get help, but this isn't the sort of help I guess I was thinking of – but what sort of help _was_ I thinking of? Is Peeta saying these things to get rid of me? Or is he just being supportive? Well he didn't run away when he found out I was pregnant, and he does still want to get married, I think anyway, I guess that must count for something … "Do _you_ think I should see someone?" I ask honestly, "And don't lie, tell me what you really think." He looked directly at me, not breaking eye contact, "I don't like seeing you hurt, or confused, or in trouble. I think you should talk to someone, even just once, it might not be serious, it might just be hormones. But I think it's worth a try. I know you don't like the idea of depression, but I think it's something to consider." I could tell he was trying his best to be completely truthful, but not to upset me too much. "I want to do what you think I should. I want to make you happy. I'll speak to someone." I say this quietly, somehow maybe thinking that if the confession is quieter its presence is less, but I don't really think it is.


	12. Appointment (Chapter11)

**AN: Sorry I took so long to update! This past week has just gone by so quickly!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games**

Chapter 11

"Katniss! Come in and sit down" the man smiled at me as he opened the door and led me into a comfortable office. This was my first appointment with Dr Aurelius, the guy who Peeta had chosen for me to talk to. He was in his 50's and had a gentle and friendly feel about him. He wore very grandparent like clothing – navy cords and a fairisle cardigan, which I thought made him look a lot nicer and more trustworthy than a lab coat wearing doctor. I'm glad Peeta chose him.

I go in to see him on my own while Peeta sits in the waiting area – I said he didn't need to come with me at all, but he insisted, most likely to ensure I actually came. I nervously walked in and sat in the indicated seat and looked over at Dr Aurelius, "So, this first meeting is just a bit of a casual thing, just to get to know you a bit better, very relaxed and informal, so there's no need to worry!" He smiles at me, he's either a mind reader, or he sees people like me every day, probably the latter.

He glances at his notes and flicks through a few pages, "Now I know you and your fiancé are expecting, how far along are you?" I count in my head to how long it's been since that doctor's appointment, "14 weeks" I reply, "And are we excited? You and … Peeta, is it?" he asks, "Peeta … I guess so" I say blankly. He seems to ignore my reply and continues on in the same reasonably happy manner, "A wedding and a baby, you must be busy keeping up with the planning and your health?" I shrug, "I suppose a little, I haven't done much to do with the wedding, I'm not really sure what's happening about that, I'll need to discuss that with my mom." I don't speak to her very often, in fact I don't go out of my way to call her, I only talk to her when she calls me, which is usually after she's spoken to Peeta. "Ah yes, your mother must be over the moon, seeing her daughter get married and starting a family?" I'm almost not sure what to say, she's always been hard for me to understand, have I ever seen her ecstatic about _anything_? "Well … she's happy I guess, about the wedding, but I … we haven't actually told her about the … er, the baby." He looks slightly quizzical at my reply, "So she doesn't live here?" I shake my head and explain that I moved here with Peeta and our friends after high school. "She prefers to be near my sister" I say suddenly, almost surprising myself with this confession that I wasn't even sure was true. My mom hadn't told me this, nor had I really thought about it before, so where had it come from? "So in the past have you always visited them or do they come out here?" Prim. He doesn't have any information on Prim. _No wait_, he must have information about Prim, Peeta will have told him every detail of my life to think about before I came here for the appointment. This must be some sort of test to get me to react. But I forget about this immediately as I can see Prim's face clearly in my mind. "She died," I say, looking down, away from him, "six years ago, she was only fourteen. She's … buried back home." I still haven't gone to tell her that I'm pregnant, this is weighing quite heavily on my shoulders as I know how excited she would have been. "I need to tell her about the baby too."

I look up at him again, and find myself surprised that I'm quite comfortable sharing this information with him. "I can see that is important to you." He pauses before continuing, "You were close to your sister?" "Very" I reply, "I looked after her most of the time, mom struggled after our dad died and she often had to work long shifts. She's a nurse. So I was there for Prim, all the time, when she wasn't." I almost end on a bitter note that our mother wasn't there all the time for Prim when she should have been. When she mourned for Prim but moved on long before I did, did she not love Prim as much as I loved her? I wrinkle my forehead in thought and desperately push a frown onto my face and look down at my hands, where my fingers are furiously grabbing at each other. I was angry at my mother. She didn't take care of Prim. And then when Prim was no more, she didn't take care of me, she practically ignored me and let me fade away. It was Peeta who worked on bringing me back to a better place, a better me. Why did he bother with that?

That last question replayed through my mind as I shut my eyes trying to find a clear answer. Because. He. Loves. You. Love … that's right, Peeta loves me, and I love him. And he looks after me. "Katniss … Katniss? Are you ok?" I open my eyes to find Dr Aurelius is crouching in front of me. "I was just thinking." I reply, not really giving him what he wants, "Is it something we could discuss? It would help greatly if you could, it would give me a better understanding of you, and I could get a picture of how you process things." I think about this while keeping eye contact with him. I'm here for Peeta. Peeta and our baby. I'm not here for anyone else. I'm not protecting my mother, it does her no harm in expressing my annoyance towards her. "I … my mother … I can't quite understand if she loved Prim enough. She let Prim suffer and left me to pick up the pieces after our father died. Then once Prim was gone … she left me too. Why?" I'm not really expecting an answer from him, nor do I give him a chance to offer one, "She's come back to get me now, but we're not close. She left me, and Peeta came to collect me." "What do you mean by that Katniss?" "Peeta helped me after Prim died, I missed a lot of school, so he would come to see me on his way home, and I … I let him help me. He listened to me talking about Prim and he helped me … grieve her. He still helps me with her. I'm not ready to let her go." He nods reassuringly, understanding how important Peeta is to me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, I'm not sure if he's thinking how to carefully handle his next question or if he's waiting for me to continue. "I think that's enough for today Katniss, alright? Now I think we could chat a little more, so I'd like to see you next week, you can make an appointment at the desk. I'm going to ask Peeta to come in to chat with me now, it'll only be a few moments, nothing to worry about." Yeah, sure, _nothing to worry about_, of course I'm worrying, what's he going to tell Peeta? That I hate my mother? Peeta can't know that, I don't really actually hate her. Now I'm struggling to understand why I told him about my mother. I stand to leave, but turn back to Dr Aurelius, "What will you tell him?" I question with a slight urgency, "I don't want him to get the wrong end of the stick, he might misinterpret it, or think of it as me meaning something else. I don't want him to change his mind about me." My voice quivers on the last sentence and I can almost feel tears forming. _Why Katniss? You managed not to cry at all today!_ "Does it worry you? What you've told me?" I nod quickly, hoping he won't see the tears which are threatening to fall down my cheeks. "Come and sit back down again." I reluctantly agree, and he sits next to me this time, instead of in front of me. "What might Peeta change his mind about?" He asks, he seems much more serious now, "He might say he doesn't want to marry me, he might not want this baby, he might prefer if he wasn't near me. All I do is make him worry, and cause trouble …" I'm sobbing now, and Dr Aurelius offers me a tissue, "Katniss, look at me now," I keep my head down and place my hands on my forehead, "Katniss, Peeta is still here. He's waiting for you right now. He hasn't left you, or your baby… Do you think Peeta loves the baby? Do you think he's excited to become a parent?" "Probably," I say to him, "but I've been such a disappointment getting pregnant just a few months before the wedding, the wedding is for him, it's what he wants, and I've ruined it for him." I sniff and wipe my nose again. "Do you love your baby Katniss? Are you excited to become a parent?"

Silence. I don't know what my response is, or what my response should be. Immediately I cut off the sniffs and wipe the last tears from my face. I fiddle with my hands again and I sit looking straight forward. This isn't something I want to think about. I don't know my answer. I'd rather not know my answer. I cut out my hearing, so all I listen to is the slight buzzing in my ears, the thoughts are trying to push through it, but I do my best to block them out. My tongue and mouth dry out so I cannot speak. I don't want to. I don't want to say something I will regret and then have to listen to Dr Aurelius asking me to discuss why I said it.

Dr Aurelius is gently shaking my arms, but I ignore him. I don't want to be with him right now. I feel his presence leave, and then I'm alone. The door closes and I find myself unfrozen from the spot. Without even thinking, I'm sitting in the corner of the room, with clear view of the door. I pull my knees up to my chest and I wrap my arms around them. Not much longer and I won't be able to do this, I think to myself. It was just yesterday that I woke up and looked in the mirror to see what could be perceived as a teeny tiny baby bump, though it's not really noticeable unless you know to look for it. Peeta saw it right away and his face was filled with so much joy. It made me happy for a second at that moment, but when I looked at it on my own, all I saw was fear and terror. There's another human growing inside of me. Relying on me for everything it needed. I couldn't rely on myself for everything that _I_ needed, how could I let someone else rely on me?

Dr Aurelius came back in soon, closely followed by Peeta, who had a small smile on his face. "We can go home now, everything's all sorted" he says calmly while helping me up, He puts his arm around my shoulder, and thanks Dr Aurelius as we leave. Once we're in the car, I manage to find my voice again. "I want to go home. To Prim. We have to tell her, she'll be angry that I've kept it a secret from her. Then we can tell my mom. She'll be angry too." There's no emotion in my voice. "Ok, I'll sort that out, we can go whenever you like." I nod and finally feel the use of my facial muscles, so I force a small smile for him. I've probably disappointed him enough with my behaviour at the appointment, I can't disappoint him anymore.


	13. Peeta's Help (Chapter12)

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I was going to say this last week really got away from me, but it's been longer than that! It'll be Christmas before we know it =) Anyway, here's the next chapter, this one is Peeta's POV**

**Disclaimer - I don't own the Hunger Games**

**I watched all the Global Fanday interviews and things and am so incredibly excited for Catching Fire to come out, the new clips are soo sooo soooooo amazing, not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure all the excitement will come out in tears while I'm in the cinema next Thursday! **

Chapter 12 – Peeta's POV

After we had left the bakery that day and gone back to Katniss' apartment, I spent a few hours properly looking through all the information provided on 'Mental Health in Pregnancy'. At the end was a list of five or six recommended psychiatrists to speak to, and I called and talked to them all before making my mind up – this wasn't something Katniss would do for herself, so I took it into my own hands.

Dr Aurelius was by far the most comforting of the people I spoke to, he reminded me of an old relative who would always give you a treat when you visited him. And he seemed to genuinely take in what I told him about Katniss and I could tell he was definitely thinking about possible explanations for everything, so I booked an appointment with him for her.

I could tell she was nervous before we got to his office, she held my hand with one of hers, and her other seemed permanently attached to the little bump that had only just appeared. She went in to see Dr Aurelius on her own, I kissed her on the cheek and she walked into the room while I stayed in the waiting area. I didn't know what to do while I waited, should I call someone to talk to to keep my mind off of Katniss? Should I read a magazine? Instead I sat on my shaking hands and just looked ahead at the boring poster on the wall across from me.

About thirty minutes after she had gone in, Dr Aurelius came out from his room and notioned for me to go to him. Instead of taking me in, we remained outside in the corridor, this made me wonder what Katniss had said or done. "It went pretty well for a first meeting," he said, I nodded, this sounded decent, "she spoke a little of your upcoming marriage and mentioned her mother, then she was quite happy to discuss her sister." I let myself smile a little and sigh with relief, "Well that's good," I say, "it's hard to get her to say anything about Prim, and that was before all … this." This time it was the doctor nodding at me, "Then she took a little turn, I said that she could make another appointment and that I would speak to you before you left, and she panicked, she's very concerned about something happening to your relationship with her, particularly now that she's pregnant, I don't want to make assumptions or draw conclusions from this one meeting, but I do think the pregnancy has triggered something in her mind that's been lying dormant for a while, that has been starting to surface, potentially now that it's getting closer to you getting married. I think she has a lot to think about and a lot more that she needs to open up about, to both herself and to you." He pauses while I take all of this in, so it's not quite as good as I had thought, "Has she discussed her feelings towards the baby with you?" he asks me now, I'd like to think yes, but actually, trying to remember when was a bit like pulling at straws, "No" I tell him honestly, "We only found out three weeks ago, she's not really been very _here_ during that time. She started showing a little this week, she seemed pleased when she saw it, but she hasn't told me that she's pleased, I just assumed from her expressions. Do you think she's not happy about having a baby?" I ask him, I feel this is what he's leading to, "Don't worry about it Peeta" he says to me, ending that part of our conversation. "When I left her, she had retreated a little into herself and was unresponsive to me, I think she just needs to see a familiar face now. And I'd like to see her again next week, same time if that's ok with you." I nod and we enter the room.

She was sitting on the floor in the corner, I went to her and helped her up before guiding her to the car. I didn't want to push her to talk about it, but she speaks up first, "I want to go home. To Prim. We have to tell her, she'll be angry that I've kept it a secret from her. Then we can tell my mom. She'll be angry too." I don't disagree with her out loud, but I do in my mind, her family won't be mad that she's pregnant, nor will they be mad that she hasn't told them – we haven't really told many people, some of our friends don't even know yet. It makes me wonder how these thoughts have appeared in her mind, what caused them? Where did they stem from? "Ok, I'll sort that out, we can go whenever you like." She nodded once and tried to smile at me before resting her head against the car window.

After I found out about the baby and saw Katniss struggle, I quickly sorted things out at the bakery so I wouldn't need to be there so much. I didn't tell the guys what was going on, but they understood it must be important – other than Katniss, baking is my life, and I wouldn't put it on a back burner for a silly reason. I also called Katniss' boss and explained that she was going through a hard time, he also understood, and knew that Katniss wouldn't just not go to work for no reason, so he offered some leave for her, which I accepted on her behalf. Katniss was annoyed at this, but deep down I knew she liked the idea of not _having_ to go to work, it meant she could take time with things.

Katniss had stayed at my apartment since the day at the bakery, she admitted to me that she was scared of Johanna now, and that although it was silly, she thought that Johanna was pretty crazy when she was mad. When we got back there after the appointment Katniss seemed to act more 'normal', she changed into leggings and a tight fitting top, her miniscule bump was just visible. I think this gave her comfort, she liked seeing it. She liked knowing that it had been made by love, and that somewhere that love was still present. The rest of our day was uneventful, almost like the appointment had never happened, this caused me both worry and joy. It meant she was pushing her feelings a little deeper down, but she wouldn't be acting happy if she wasn't actually happy, Katniss is like an open book, you can tell what she's felling more often than not. In the evening I finished tidying up the kitchen when Katniss approached me with the laptop, on it was a screen of different flight times and ticket prices, "Could we go this week?" she asked, "Sure, how long did you want to go for?" "Just a couple of days, enough to see Prim, and mom, and I thought maybe … maybe I could go dress shopping with her when I'm there, it might make her pleased." I smiled, "That's a good idea, can make up for her not coming here. Did you pick a flight or were these the options?" I ask, indicating the laptop, "The options, I wanted you to pick so you could sort out people to cover you at the bakery." "That's already done, we can go anytime." She smiled back at me, and for the first time in three or four weeks I think I caught a small glint in her eyes. We picked flights for 3 days away and agreed to spend two nights, then Katniss called her mom, who was delighted that we would be visiting. This was a good day, I thought to myself, a really good day. Dr Aurelius must have really helped Katniss, but I do worry that it won't last, oh well, only God knows what each day will bring.


	14. We're Having A Baby (Chapter13)

**AN: I am like the worst at updating, weekdays just pass so quickly - I can't believe we're less than a week away from seeing Catching Fire now, I am incredibly excited! I watched as much of the live streams as I could last week and thought they were all great! This chapter is a bit longer than the last few have been, and I hope to keep making them longer, I know I love reading much longer chapters! I am going to try my best to update with the next chapter this weekend, I know you'll want me to too after you get to the end of this one! Much love and thanks to the followers of the story, it still amazes me that people actually read it =D**

Chapter 13

I went back to my place the day before our flight so that I could pack some things. I also kinda wanted to see Johanna – this was the longest we hadn't spoken or seen each other for, and I felt terrible about it. I was about to open the front door, but I stopped, should I knock? Wait, this is my apartment too, I can just walk in. I took a few breaths and opened the door quietly. And there was Johanna searching the kitchen cupboards. She turned as I closed the door, and for a second we both just stood there. Then a rush of emotion overtook me and I practically ran to her and pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry. I was stupid. You were right. I've been a bad friend. I should have called you." She stopped me before I could continue, "No, I'm sorry. And all those other things you just describe yourself as. Forgiven and forgotten?" she asks, "Forgiven and forgotten." I hold her closer until she pulls away and looks down, "And when did this happen?" she asks comically, indicating the small bump, I laugh a little, "Last week, it was just there one day, I think it's grown every day since it first started showing." "It's cute" she says, "it suits you." I blush, trying to decide whether it's a compliment or a joke, but smile. Since talking to Dr Aurelius I've felt a litter better about it, but the worries are still there. They mainly surround my mother I guess, but now that flights are sorted and that we're going to tell her, the worries have been alleviated slightly. I find Johanna still looking at my abdomen, "Stop that!" I tell her playfully, "Sorry, but it's so weird, you having a baby, I would've pegged Annie to be the first." "Me too" I sigh, wanting to get off the topic, "So what have you been doing?" She shrugs, "Just work, going out, drinking too much, missing my three AM pastries and water before bed" she smiles at me, "Well you can have them back in a couple of days," I tell her, "We're going out to tell my mom and Prim about, well, you know, then coming back, and I'm going to get back into normal living, here, not Peeta's. And I'm going to go back to work, it'll give me something to do." "That's good" she tells me, "so are you not just going to move in with Peeta now? Not that I want rid of you, but you know, for the kid?" I shake my head, "Still following my mom's wishes, she doesn't think we'll go through with it, but I'm determined to show her!" Johanna laughs and shakes her head, mumbling something that I don't quite catch. "Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" I ask her, "Sure, what's the occasion?" "I don't know, just … dinner! We need to spend more time together while we can, and Annie too. I haven't really spoken to her either." I lower my head in shame, I was worried about my friends leaving me because of the baby, but in reality it's been the other way around, and I need to make it up to them.

Later that evening Johanna and I are waiting outside the restaurant for Annie, we hear a squeal and turn around. Annie runs to us and pulls me into a tight hug, "Oh wow," she says, and gently places her hand on the bump, "it's so precious!" "I've missed you. I'm sorry, I've been a bad person and friend." I blurt to her, "Don't be silly!" she replies, "You're going through lots of different things, I shouldn't be at the front of your mind!"

We have a great evening, talking, laughing, joking – it feels just like old times, and I'm grateful that we've basically been able to pick up where we left off, almost as if nothing had happened. We part ways at ten o'clock – Johanna and Annie head to a bar, while I head back to Peeta's apartment, we need to be up early in the morning to catch our flight. Part of me wished I could go with Johanna and Annie, but I can tell they'd drink too much and I'd be in charge of getting them home, Peeta wouldn't like that. He's wrapped me in cotton wool a bit too much, he says he doesn't want me to exert myself, you know, just in case, for the sake of the baby. I mean I get it, but it's really tiny right now, I don't do anything at all, so a little exertion is normal, although he doesn't see it like that. By the time I get back Peeta is already in bed, so I curl up next to him, feeling his warmth under the covers, "Have a good time?" he mumbles, "Very" I reply, "very" before falling asleep in Peeta's arms.

We get up the next morning and I carefully get dressed – I need to cover any hints of pregnancy so that my mom doesn't guess, so I choose loose comfy jeans and one of Peeta's hoodies, "Do I look pregnant?" I ask him once I've put on my choices, "No, you look very cute in that hoodie though" he smirks at me, I pout back at him and get breakfast from the kitchen while he laughs at my clothing choices. We manage to leave on time and get our flight – I sleep for most of it, which helps with the nausea I've been feeling more often lately, I don't think anyone on the plane would thank me if I threw up.

After landing I get nervous, "What if my mom just knows? Like mother's instinct … what if she says I've been stupid to let this happen, what if-" Peeta cuts me off, "We're getting married! It's not like we're two strangers. So what if she knows, we're planning on telling her anyway!" I sigh in resignation and hold my arm around his waist while we walk through the airport terminal. We've barely stepped through the exit when my mom see's us, "Katniss! Peeta!" she shouts and dashes towards us and giving us both a hug at the same time, "Mom" I reply taking her in. It's been a long time since I've actually seen her, not since Christmas, and it's summer now, Peeta speaks up "You didn't need to come and meet us Mrs Everdeen, we could have easily made our way to yours." She pushes him off, "I couldn't wait to see you both! And I wanted to take you out to lunch." I just smile while Peeta thanks her, "Are you sure you're not too warm Katniss?" She asks, "It's summer and you're dressed for the winter. Are you still a bit under the weather?" I make a kind of shrugging and nodding motion in an attempt to get her off my back. She drives to a nearby café which looks reasonably fancy, much nicer than anything we'd normally go to with her. This makes me suspicious, what isn't she telling me? Does she know? But how could she, we've been here five minutes? Wait, maybe she's just being a parent and treating us seeing as she hasn't seen us in a while … maybe. We sit down and order food in a bit of an awkward silence before Peeta manages to come up with a safe topic of conversation, "So Katniss was maybe thinking of looking at a few wedding dresses while we were here Mrs Everdeen? We know you wanted to go with her, thought it might be nice" he says, my mother's face lights up at this suggestion, "Oh really Katniss? That would be wonderful, there are so many great stores!" She beams at me from across the table and I manage to give a half-hearted smile back to her and nod, "Yeah, sorry you couldn't come a couple of weeks back." I say, "So are you better now? Did you see a doctor?" All these questions! She always does this, has to know about everything, she has the memory of an elephant, if you tell her something vaguely, she'll ask you about it months later, and won't stop until she has a good enough answer. I nod, she doesn't need to know what sort of doctor it was. "Were they good? Did they diagnose quickly? Were they thorough with their examination? You know doctors these days can be so busy that they barely scratch the surface of a single patient, and …" she drones on about the quality of doctors now compared to ten years ago, I'm not even listening, these questions are just too much, I can feel Peeta squeezing my hand under the table, and I gently squeeze back, I cut my mother off from whatever she's saying with a whisper, "We're having a baby." She stops for a second, "Katniss you'll need to speak up if you want me to hear you!" I look up and straight at her, "We're having a baby" I say loudly, I quickly shut my eyes and drop my head downwards. Before I know it, my mother's by my side, hugging me. I look up to her, her eyes are glistening with tears, "Really?" she asks, I nod and hug her back. I pull away and take off the hoodie, revealing the small, but present, baby bump, she 'Oooh's' and 'Ahh's' with wonder and joy, and she places her hand on it for a moment before going back to her seat, I pull the hoodie back on. I can't believe she's so excited, I'd completely prepared for the worst; I thought she'd shout, and yell, and, well, just be mad. But she's not, it's the total opposite. I can feel relief flood through me, and I let myself give a genuine smile, "So you're not mad?" I ask her, she looks slightly confused, "No, why would I be mad? You're having a baby Katniss!" This reassures me. I think I've misjudged my mother with my thoughts. I haven't given her a fair chance. The part of my mind which had so many doubts about her is completely muted from my thoughts, and all I can think about are her words of happiness and her smile when I told her. I finally feel at ease.

We talk for the rest of lunch, and time flies by, as we leave I stop on the street outside. "I need to go and tell Prim," I tell them, "On my own," I add, I really don't want to offend either of them, but this is something I have to do, "Are you sure?" Peeta asks, "Yeah, you can go back home, and I'll meet you there later. I promise." Peeta gives me a kiss, but I pull him in for a hug afterwards, "I'll be fine, stop worrying!" I whisper to him, "You can tell her everything, it's alright, I think I want you to." He nods and gives me another kiss. I oddly kiss my mother on the cheek, and then head down the street towards the cemetery where Prim is. Peeta and my mother walk the other way to the car, and soon they've driven off. I feel reasonably free now that I'm on my own, it's not that I want to be on my own, but nowadays it seems like there's always someone with me.

It takes around twenty minutes to get to the cemetery. I stop at the entrance. I take a moment and just breathe, in and out, in and out. I need to feel right before I go in and see her.

I'm ready. I know the route to where she is laid, before I moved, I visited every day, sometimes twice a day if I had to. And then I'm there. I'm standing right in front of her. I can feel tears escape my eyes but I let them freely fall. I kneel down and touch her headstone lightly, "Hey Prim" I try to smile through the tears, "I'm sorry I left you for so long. I've really really missed you." I don't let myself break out into sobbing, I really want to keep my composure, at least for a little while until I tell her the news. "I hope you've been alright without me, I hope people still come to see you. Peeta would be here, but I asked to come on my own, I hope that's ok? I'll bring him with me tomorrow, I know he'll be happy to talk to you." I can almost see my little Prim sitting in front of me, I know now is the right time, "But I have some news for you now, that's why we came here. We haven't gotten married yet, that's still a few more months, but … but I'm pregnant now. We're having a baby." I say, almost hesitantly, when I admit it to Prim it seems so much more real. I slowly lift the hoodie off of my stomach, giving her a small glimpse. I can see her face now, she's over the moon. She's thrilled. I can see her crying now, as well as laughing. The news has made her day. I smile to her and once my eyes are clear of tears, I can only see her headstone in front of me. She's not here. She never will be. She won't get to see the baby, she won't get to experience the joy. She won't get to have any children of her own. "I won't let this baby live without knowing you Prim. I promise." I stand up, I really want to get back to Peeta now. I need to. "Prim I will always love you. _Always_. I can never forget you." I gently rub the top of her headstone with one hand, and the other has found its way to my stomach. "I love you Prim" I say one last time before walking away. I look back to her spot with almost every step I take, and I can feel tears falling as soon as I've gotten far enough away not to see her anymore.

I manage to make my way out of the cemetery and to the street. I'm barely aware of what I'm doing. This was a bad idea, I should have let Peeta bring me.

I'm not aware of anything until I feel the impact, I'm knocked off my feet and suddenly feel my whole body slam onto something hard, I let out a scream as I land, I blink but I can't see anything, only darkness. I can hear noises, but I find myself unable to respond. I try for a few moments before I feel weak, I can feel myself shutting down, and suddenly I feel engulfed further into darkness. Emptiness. Nothing.


	15. I Think She's Pregnant (Chapter14)

**AN: Couldn't keep you waiting after that little cliffhanger!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games**

Chapter 14

The emptiness lasted no more than what seemed like a few minutes. I still couldn't open my eyes, but I was a little aware of my surroundings, I could feel the ground beneath me, and I could hear commotion around me. I couldn't hear individual voices or noises, it all seemed to be merged into one constant sound, until I heard a siren. An ambulance.

"Hello, it's the paramedics, can you hear me?" a male voice asked me. Yes, I could hear him, but I couldn't find it in me to respond, I tried to flicker my eyes open, but my lids stayed firmly shut, then I tried to move my arm, even just my hand, but I could tell nothing was happening. I felt warm fingers at my neck, "Yep, she has a pulse, weak and irregular, but it's still there" the man said again, at least I wasn't dead. Peeta. Where's Peeta? He wasn't with me, he's with my mother, and neither of them know anything has happened to me, they'll be expecting me home soon … the baby! I try to move again, but nothing, I have no way of telling them I'm pregnant. "I'd better get the collar and board just in case" said a second male voice, and I could hear footsteps running away. Then there were sharp pains in my arm, they must be putting in some medication or something, "Can you tell me your name?" the first man asked me again. I couldn't. "Don't worry, you just hold in there and we'll get you sorted." Another minute passes before the second man is back, I can feel my neck being held firmly in place by a solid plastic collar, I know from my mother that this is so they can keep your spine still in case there's any damage. "Ok, one, two, three, roll" I hear one of the men say, and I can feel myself being turned onto my back. I must have fallen onto my front … onto my stomach … onto the baby. They lift me gently onto what I assume is the board and Velcro straps across my body. A gentle hand pushes my hair away from my face and places a mask across my nose and mouth. I need to try again, I need to tell them to check the baby. I still can't move my limbs, so I try to open my eyes with all my energy. And suddenly it happens, I have managed to blink my eyes open once, all I see are bright lights and a few darker coloured shapes, but my eyes don't stay open long. Thankfully the paramedic sees this, he rubs my shoulder "You'll be ok, we're taking you to hospital, you're doing great." His voice is very kind and reassuring, it's not like Peeta's perfect tone, but it'll do as a substitute.

Once we're at the hospital it's much more chaotic. I feel a lot of movement and can tell that I'm being taken from the ambulance and wheeled into the hospital. The paramedic then gives the doctors and nurses the information, "Jane Doe, early twenties, victim of hit and run, has a low irregular pulse and heartbeat, we've hung one litre of fluids at the scene. Not conscious, but has opened her eyes once, haven't seen any other movement. In the collar as a precaution, she was on her front, so spinal injury is less likely. Body temp is low at 96, so we kept clothes on at the scene. On my count, one, two, three." At this point I've been transferred to hospital care, there's so many people, I find it hard to keep a track of what's going on, I just wish I could open my eyes to see.

There's a tugging at my limbs, and I'm guessing that they're cutting my clothes off to complete a further examination. There's a whole lot of poking and prodding at me, I know it's necessary, but it's pretty annoying, and it's sore! A young female voice then speaks up above the general hustle and bustle, "Abdomen looks slightly distended" she says, then begins to feel around my stomach, "I think … I think she's pregnant" the girl concludes after her examination, I feel a new set of hands, "Call OB down, and get the ultrasound equipment ready, _now_ please!" Please not the baby, please, please, please I'm practically praying now. Peeta would never forgive me if something were to happen to it, I don't even think I would forgive myself. "Heartbeats dropping, we need to put her under and intubate." That's the last thing I hear before I'm being slowly pulled towards the nothingness and emptiness.

* * *

I can feel myself being drawn out of unconsciousness, first I can hear some beeps and various machines making noises, then I feel the presence of something in my throat, it makes me cough and I try and move my tongue and mouth, swiftly someone is by my side and starts to take out the tube while I cough more. It's a nurse, she smiles at me, "There, much better, eh?" she reaches under the bed and pulls it up so that I'm in a sitting position while I cough a little more. She bustles around continuing with her job, checking various machines and looking at different bags of liquids connected to me through IV's. I suddenly see a few cables attached to my stomach and my hands rush to it, I certainly still feel pregnant, "Baby's feeling alright now, we had a little scare earlier, but it's alright now" I smile a thank you at her and rub the side of my stomach gently. "Now," the nurse starts softly, "We still don't know who you are, you had no identification on you when you were brought in, so we haven't been able to call anyone for you, can you help us out?" "Katniss Everdeen" I say quickly, "Please call Peeta, I can give you the number, he's with my mother" but the nurse cuts me off, "Everdeen? Is your mother a nurse here?" I nod, and she smiles "Don't worry, I'll get it all sorted, you should get some rest now." She leaves the room, and I let out a sigh of relief, suddenly I wonder how long I've been here, it's dark outside, so it must be late at night, I glance around for a clock, and eventually see the time on one of the monitors, it's past midnight. Peeta and my mother must be worried sick, they'll think I've run off and left them … I can feel a few tears spilling from my eyes, I try to curl up on my side to face away from the door, but I can't, my body is too stiff and sore and won't let me. Instead I settle for burying my face into the pillow, I bear the slight tinge in my neck and cry into it thinking about the mess I've gotten into now.

* * *

**_Peeta's POV_**

Mrs Everdeen was smiling all the way to her house. It made me feel so joyous that she was happy for Katniss and I, but mainly about Katniss. She had been so worried about her mother's reaction, and I think she was ready for the worst, but unexpectedly got the best. I would still need to discuss Katniss with her though, I think she needs to know everything. This Katniss today is the best Katniss I've seen in a while. Katniss had told me I could talk to her mother about it, this came as a surprise to me, I would have thought she wouldn't have wanted any word mentioned about it at all, so I was definitely going to take this opportunity, while Katniss wasn't here, to discuss it. "Mrs Everdeen, there's something we need to discuss, about Katniss" I told her when we were close to her home, "I think it's best until we're sitting inside though, it's quite important." Her excited expression faded a little, I felt she could tell what sort of direction our conversation would turn, after all, she is a nurse, and she can probably spot these things from a mile away. And, to use the term Katniss had earlier, mother's instinct – she was probably able to pick up on anything about Katniss.

Once we were inside we sat down in the living room, I was beginning to feel a lot more nervous about how I should broach the subject and wondering where exactly to begin, but Mrs Everdeen spoke before I could, "So how's she been handling it? Honestly, Peeta." I sighed, "Not greatly, it's been tough … very tough. We only found out three or so weeks ago, and for the week before that she spent most of her time sleeping or crying. Johanna and I were there as much as we could be, but she wouldn't talk to us, just completely shut herself out from the world. It was just like after … Primrose" I say her name cautiously, I don't know much about how Mrs Everdeen had handled Prim's death, but she just chews on her lips a little and nods at me to continue, "She managed to open up to Annie, who sorted out a doctor, but that didn't go so well, she barely even looked at the baby during the ultrasound, and only turned around when she heard the heartbeat, Annie said it was difficult to watch her. That doctor gave us some reading, and she suggested speaking to a psychiatrist about trying to get Katniss to open up more, she was all over the place with her emotions and feelings … it was hard to watch her go through all this when she would barely say anything to me, so we had to take that advice." I could almost feel tears begin to form, I dropped my head down, and felt Mrs Everdeen's hand on my arm, "It's ok Peeta" she said softly. I swallowed a few times and caught my breath before continuing, "We've only seen this guy once, and he made quite a few observations really, to me it just seemed like he concluded that she was mentally unstable and although he didn't say it, I couldn't help but feel he implied it was depression ... I'm not sure I want to believe him though … it's hard to consider it … it's so un-Katniss … he said it could be connected with her feelings after her dad and Primrose died, but he wants to talk to her again, to get a further understanding of Katniss herself." I was yet to look up to see what sort of reaction I was getting from Mrs Everdeen, "She seemed to be a bit better after seeing this guy though, but I don't know … I'm not really sure what to make of it all …" I trail off the end, struggling to make a final conclusion on what I think is happening with my Katniss, my wonderful, sweet, loving girl. I look to Mrs Everdeen, she seems to be studying me intently, before giving me a small smile, "I could tell something wasn't quite right when I picked you up, I didn't expect this, but there was something troubling her." "It was telling you, I think. She thought you'd be mad, she thought she'd disappointed you and that it would mean we couldn't get married, I tried to tell her otherwise, but she can be so stubborn. To be fair though, she didn't want to tell me she was pregnant either, she thought I'd leave her – I've no idea where that thought came from. I love her." I rubbed my forehead with my hands; I could feel a headache coming on with all this thinking and worrying.

We talk together for a long time, Mrs Everdeen is very insightful. She's really doing well handling Mr Everdeen and Prim's deaths now, she is happy to talk about them to me, even though I barely knew them. I'm guessing she's spoken to someone herself about them, I can tell this has helped her, it could just be what Katniss needs. She handles the news about Katniss' mental state fairly well too, she knows that it was bad after Primrose, but she didn't think it was that bad that it could re-appear. Katniss put on too good a front to all of us, and we believed it.

It'd been two hours before we realised that Katniss hadn't come home yet, "How long do you think she'll want to be with Primrose for?" I ask Mrs Everdeen, "Do you think we should go and pick her up?", Mrs Everdeen didn't seem worried at all, I guess I should try not to be, but it seems like it's the only thing I can do these days, "She could be on her way home right now, give her another half hour then ring her" she says calmly, "Why don't you go and settle your things in Katniss' room?" I agreed and made my way upstairs with our bags. We didn't really bring much for the two days, just a few sets of clothing. As I open Katniss' bag I see she's brought an ultrasound picture, most likely to give to her mom, I like this, and it's so thoughtful of Katniss – I know she'll really want her mom's help, presence and support throughout the pregnancy. But I know what Katniss is like, she'll never ask for it herself. As I get through Katniss' bag I come across her phone and money – she hasn't taken anything with her to see Prim, what if she gets lost or wants to stay longer, she has no way of getting in touch with us, what if something's happened, she can't call to tell us. This pulls my mind into a panic and I run downstairs, "She hasn't taken her phone or money with her, she has no way of contacting us" I say quickly to Mrs Everdeen, "Peeta, calm down. She'll be fine, she's been with Prim longer than this before. She's just taking her time." I sit down and run my hands through my hair, "Ok … ok" I say quietly before turning the television on to some cooking program. I don't even really pay attention to it, it's just on as something to stare at really and block out the silence which just leads to my worries about Katniss.

The phone ringing pulls me back to reality, and I can hear Mrs Everdeen answer it, "Hi Hazelle, what can I do for you? … Are you sure? … Yes, that's right … ok, ok, yes he's with me … I'll see you soon, thank you." And then she hangs up the phone, "Come on Peeta" she says with a tone of urgency, I glance at the clock before we leave, it's almost half past midnight.

I'm barely paying attention as we drive through the deserted streets, I only seem to come to my senses when I see we've entered the hospital … oh God, oh God, please don't let anything have happened to her, "Peeta, it's fine, we'll see her in a moment." She remains calm, but I can tell she is worried under that cool exterior. We rush from the car and into the main building, I pace the floor at the elevators while Mrs Everdeen speaks to one of her colleagues, soon we're on the right floor and heading towards the right room. We stand in the doorframe before entering, "Oh Katniss …" I whisper when I see her.


End file.
